The Fallout

I made a huge mistake in my fight with William the other week. I involved my mother. Why did I do this? Normally, when William and I fight I keep it to myself. I never tell my mother and if I tell my friends it is afterwards, when things are calm and I can talk about it in a c'est la vie sort of way.

I think that in my head when the fight started I was like "If you want to do this again, mister, than I am going to tell the world." Because in my not so right head, I was thinking that if I told my mother we wouldn't get back together again, that this it, we are over. With having been so depressed throughout most of November and December I just really don't think I could handle his anger. And what better way to stop it than ending things permanently?

Which really sounds stupid. Thinking that if I told my mum I'd not want to get back with him. Hmmm... Anyway, I don't really want to get into all the details of the fight, since it is over and things are going quite good for the moment. Will that last? Well, it is William and I so probably not. Will I let him bother me over stupid things like the house again? No. I know what to say now.

I will say that William left and my mother came over. But before she arrived William came back. And when she got here, even though I asked her not to go at him, she did. When William is angry he swears. So he was swearing at my mum, she was saying the same things over and over and I was crying. Not pretty.

The next day William and I talked, and as you all know, agreed to go to counselling. When my mum called that day to see how things were I told her this. She was fine and was fine again the next day when we talked. She did ask if I had gotten Saoirse's passport back off of William. (Oh, I suppose this is vital to the story...I had given him her passport because I was quite sure he wouldn't actually use it. Even though he was saying he would.) I said no, and she said "You need to get it."

Everything was fine with her the next day (New Years Day) as well. But on Wednesday she called me and we were talking and she asks if I have the passport yet. No, I say. And fuck, did she go after me. "You have to get it and give it to me." I said that yes, I would get the passport, but that no, I most definitely would not give it to her. That would do my relationship absolutely no favours. And besides, I know he wouldn't take her. She then went on about how information I had been given by the RCMP was wrong and that William is not considered her father just because he signed some piece of paper. I said that of course he is, he is as much her father as I am her mother. She argued it with me "They are wrong! They don't know what they are talking about!" In this respect my mother is very much like William...she does not like to be wrong! She ended our conversation by saying that the next time this happens ("and if you don't think he is going to take her, Emma, then you are living in a fantasy, because one day he will take that child.") and I had better not coming crying to her the next time it happens.

So much for maternal support. I had already apologized to her the day after the fight, for involving her but said that I was glad I had her to turn to. I didn't realize that she would only support me if I did exactly as she said. And that's the thing with my mother, she has to have things her way. I totally understand where she is coming from. I would not like my daughters to be in a relationship like mine can sometimes be, but I think my mum also has to look at the good...she knows William is a great dad to all 4 kids, she knows that generally he has made me very happy. She tends to forget that he has given her a hand quite a few times. This is my mother though. Bitter. I don't think she will ever forgive him, and I am not sure how long it will before she talks to me again. This is the same woman who informed me that if my father came to an event for my children she would not be there. Like I said, bitter. 13 years later and she still hates him.

So I've not talked to her since that day, except for when I answered the phone the next day and she said in her hoity toity but pissed off voice "Is Taylor there?" I was a bit shocked. I was all excited when I saw her number, as I was going to tell her I had just enrolled Saoirse in ballet. I never realized how I depended on talking to her every day. I have so much to tell her. Like the fact that Taylor got her period! Yes, people, my daughter is a woman now. I cried when I put the panties in the washing machine. Too much info? Sorry! But it was a big moment. And I really would have liked to have shared it with my mum.