Figuring things out

Another blowout with William tonight. I am at a loss. I have to accept that he just is not in love with me, and this breaks my heart. I can not see for the tears. I am so tired. Tired of being scared that the house is not clean enough. And it isn't, I know it isn't.I shouldn't be scared of my partner. And seriously? If you love someone you can forgive the fact that they are not a perfect housekeeper. You do not end a relationship because there are fucking toys on the floor. You do not scream and shout and throw things because you are sick of messes. If you love a person you actually acknowledge the things they do. Holy fuck, a closet full of clean clothes? A toilet that is consistently cleaned up after you have puked in it? There's no magic fucking fairy doing all that shit. There's just me. And I am so tired of it all. I'm so tired of being so sad ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I am tired of taking it out on Taylor and Liam. I am tired of not being listened to but of having to listen to what a shitty mother I am and how I am so fucking lazy and I apparently do nothing all day. And I'm tired of being told that you are going to leave. Go, fucking go! But if you aren't going to go stop threatening me with it! It's emotional blackmail. You can say it isn't but it is. It is! You are talking about taking my daughters for 6 months at a time. To fucking Australia. The other side of the world. And what other alternatives are there? I will not accept a previously suggested idea of you taking Saoirse and me taking Sophie. I will not lose that little girl. And what of Taylor and Liam? No mention of them at all. Silence says a lot. Oh, I knew you didn't care for Taylor, although you never said it, but Liam...I thought you did love him. But lately you have been so angry with all of us. Even yelling at Saoirse for stupid little things. Frustration at me I suppose. Why am I blaming myself? This is not my issue, not at all. This is all about you. I live with the things I don't like about you (and guess what! there's a lot!) because I love you. I love you. Why?

This is what I need to figure out. Why do I love someone who so obviously does not love me in return? I know very well that if I suddenly have a clean house he will just find something else to hate about me. I need to work all this out. Sadly, I can not talk to him about this. We had an argument about me asking him not to swear at Saoirse on Saturday night. He told me not to tell him how to raise his daughter. And yet it is perfectly okay for him to tell me what to do and not do with my two, and will do so right in front of them. He actually puts his hand up to me and tells me not to say another word. But he can yell and scream at me. Once he's done talking thought that's it, conversation over. All I know is that I can not go on like this.

I am going to take sometime away from blogging (which totally distracts me from housework!) so that I can clear up some other things that tend to keep me from home and family. It won't last very long I am sure and I am sure I said the same thing not so long ago. Sure, don't you lot all have such happy lives that I just have to read about them? Fuck knows I'm not living one myself.

I'm on to you kiddo

One of the few jobs my kids have is to do the dishes after dinner and tidy the kitchen. It used to be that one washed and one dried but all they did was fight so they now alternate nights. It seems pretty simple in theory. Scrape the dishes, wash the dishes, put in drainer. Wipe down the table, wipe the counter, clean out the sink, place any garbage in a garbage bag, sweep the floors, put away the dishes.

So how come they can't manage it? How come my kitchen actually comes out looking worse for the wear? Especially on Liam's nights.

I keep saying I am going to stand over them and tell them exactly what to do but when evening comes I have so much to do. Last night was Liam's night and I had a meeting at 7. So I had to feed the baby and get my books ready. I just generally did not have time. Time management is not one of my strong points. He started the dishes at 10 after 6, when in reality they should have been long done by that point. At 6.30 he had not emptied the dish drainer from the afternoon dishes and had washed a few dishes and just piled them on top of the earlier pile. There were still dishes on the table and he had not scraped a single plate.

Cue me saying "What have you been doing for the past 20 minutes!!!" Okay, I probably yelled it.

I think Liam's plan is to do such a crappy job that eventually I will just not let him do the dishes at all. He has the same idea in regards to putting away his laundry and cleaning his room. Make such a mess of it, that mum will just get fed up and do it.

He's not going to win this battle though. I'm already cleaning up after his "cleaning" and I'm getting pretty pissed off about it. I think this weekend he and I are going to do the whole house together, including bathrooms, the one job he has never had. What fun! Some mother and son bonding time. Hopefully, he will realize that dishes are pretty freaking easy compared to the rest of the crap I could have him doing.

An email

Dear Mr. Z,

re: The Robot!cs Compet!tion

Today, we went to watch Taylor, as well as her classmates, participate in the F!rst Lego Le@gue competition. We did not expect her particpation to be limited to the role of cheerleader.

While I am very proud of the effort put on by this group of students from St. B's, I am very disappointed in the fact that the 4 girls on the team, along with one boy, had no actual physical role in the robotics itself.

I question why this was. I also was dismayed to see one particular child appear to take the lead in what should have been a shared team effort. I was upset about that because that child has been nothing but cruel to his teammates this past week, calling them unnecessary and hurtful names (which I suppose I should not be surprised by, considering how his father talked to them afterwards.) It seems odd that his behaviour should be rewarded by being given a lead role in this competition.

Aside from those concerns, I do think that the children (and their coach!) did a great job and the award received was well deserved.

Emma McD.

Bloggers- do not even let me get into what a little shit that kid who called my daughter ugly is. Let me tell you though that he is his father's son and his father is a FUCKING ARSEHOLE!!!!!

So do I send this? I am not entirely happy with it but I do want the teacher to know that I am not overly pleased with the girls having no role. My mother thinks I should say "This reeks of sexism." In a posh British accent of course.

She'll never be a great athlete, but at least she's enthusiastic

Today Taylor partcipated in a volleyball tournament at a local junior high (my junior high from some 20 years ago - that makes me sound ancient!- it was like walking back in time.) There were 10 teams from 5 schools participating, 5 girls and 5 boys teams.

Taylor is not very athletic. She likes to participate though, and isn't that's what important? In October and November she spent an hour after school every Tuesday learning handball to play in a tournament hosted by the U of A. Since December it has been volleyball. Shortly, softball will start. She played recreational softball for 2 years, she never once hit the ball, but did get walked quite often and spent entire games way out in outfield. But like I said enthusiastic.

Sophie and I went to watch. We missed the first game, which they won, but saw the other 3 as well as the playoff game. They lost all the other games. Taylor missed all her serves except for one, but she always cheered on her teammates. And when she scored a point she was beyond thrilled. She's very bouncy, my Taylor. It's like she can no longer walk once she hits the court, only skip. They ended up coming in fourth, because the one team they beat didn't win a single game. Our boys team came in third.

In other Taylor happenings, today she found out she made the team (well, team B) for the Journ@l Indoor g@mes, which is held at the U of A for elementary and junior high students from both school districts. She was so excited when she came home, jumping up and down. She tried out in both grades 4 and 5, but didn't make it. Most schools bring everyone who wants to go, but not ours.

Also today, a boy on her robotics team called her ugly. I don't if you've ever seen a picture of Taylor, I posted the proofs of her school photos back in Ocotber, you can see it here if you so desire, and if you do happen to look tell me is that ugly child? Sure she mightn't like to brush her hair on a daily basis, but she's not ugly. I was so offended and angry for her, especially considering the kid who said it. And quite terribly, the first thing I said was "And did you tell him what a loser he is?" No of course she didn't. She said it had been dealt with and I asked how. This school is not productive at all when it comes to dealing with kids who misbehave in any form at all. The teacher talked to him, which means absolutely nothing. I know I'm over reacting, it's just that it infuriates me so much. I was made fun of by one particular boy in Grade 5 and it is something I have never forgotten. I think it's even harder today, girls are bombarded by a certain ideal that most of them will never meet. It bothers me that you can make fun of a child, or call them names, and suffer no consequences. I am glad of course that Taylor did not sink to his level and call him a loser or a geek or whatever the term is these days. I am glad she spoke up when he was berating the team, which is why he turned on her. Apparently he has been spending time working on this program with his dad (rather his dad has been doing it) and will not share any of the information with the other kids. Today he forgot the program code and therefore could not do any work, which is what set him off. As a group they are so far behind that tomorrow they will find out if they are being pulled out of the competition. Last year our school won the team spirit award, I said to one mum today that there's no chance of that happening this year. It's been nothing but bickering.

Holy crap, that was a rant. Sorry!

I owe how much?

I'm borrowing this one from That Chick Over There. She's a good girl apparently.

You're supposed to add up the dollar amount to see what would you owe in fines for those bad teenage things you do. (Or your late twenties, after a seperation, depending on who you are.) Each one only counts once, no matter how many times you participated in a particular infraction and you don't have to say which ones you did.

* Smoked pot — $10
* Did acid — $5
* Ever had sex at church — $25
* Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
* Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
* Had sex for money — $100
* Vandalized something — $20
* Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
* Beat up someone — $20
* Been jumped — $10
* Crossed dressed — $10
* Given money to stripper — $25
* Been in love with a stripper — $20
* Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
* Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
* Ever drive drunk — $20
* Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
* Used toys while having sex — $30
* Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
* Went skinny dipping — $5
* Had sex in a pool — $20
* Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
* Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
* Cheated on your significant other — $10
* Masturbated — $10
* Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
* Done oral — $5
* Got oral — $5
* Done / got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
* Stole something — $10
* Had sex with someone in jail — $25
* Made a nasty home video — $15
* Had a threesome — $50
* Had sex in the wild — $20
* Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
* Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
* Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
* Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
* Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
* Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
* Went streaking — $5
* Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
* Been arrested — $5
* Spent time in jail — $15
* Peed in the pool — $0.50
* Played spin the bottle — $5
* Done something you regret — $20
* Had sex with your best friend — $20
* Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
* Had anal sex — $80
* Lied to your mate — $5
* Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

So I left a comment over at the blog I borrowed this from saying that my total was 435.10.

What the hell did I miss? Are my math skills just really bad?

When I did it this time it was higher. I added again.

$560.10.

Holy shit. And I've never even done drugs.

Found!

I believe the correct wordage would be "Emma, ye feckin' eejit."

The missing camera has been found.

Thanks for all your ideas. I was glad to see that I am not the only person who misplaces the little machine that documents our histories.

Do you know where it was? Can you guess? Remember I said that I usually placed it on the computer desk or the bookcase? I forgot to mention that I also tend to leave it on the hutch in the kitchen. But that's not where it was.

It was on the computer desk. But not where I normally put it, which is up on the shelf by the printer. No, it was down by the computer, right behind the camera dock. As I was saying "I have got to find that bloody camera" Taylor said "Here it is!"

In my defense, it was covered by some paper. Nevermind that these were important papers, belonging to an applicant that I was due to interview that day. An applicant that I rang, said "Hey guess what? I realize I've already made you fill out a second application but guess what? I am a fucking eejit and shredded your application by accident."

Oh, did I not tell you that I occasionally lie to save my ass? I just didn't want them to think that their personal information was lost. And it wasn't, not really, it was just on my desk. That's all.

Well, thank God for that

I saw this quiz over at And Baby Makes Three and thought I should take it. Since you know, I like that sort of thing. All I can say is I am grateful I am not going to be eaten. Or drown. Or be blown up. Of all the ways to die, naturally has got to be the way to go. I don't even mind being found purple and icky.

You scored as Natural Causes. Your death will be by natural causes, though not by any diseaese, because that is another option on this test. You will probably just silently pass away in the night from old age, and people you love won't realize until the next morning, when you are all purple and cold and icky. So be happy, you won't be murdered. Natural Causes 80% Bomb 53% Gunshot 47% Stabbed 47% Poison 47% Suffocated 40% Eaten 40% Cut Throat 33% Suicide 33% Disappear 33% Disease 33% Accident 27% Drowning 13% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

Missing!

Okay everyone in blogland, I need your help. I have lost my camera. With almost 1000 pictures on it. Everything from May of 2006 onwards which includes Spohie's birth, Saoirse's second birthday and Christmas. And everyday pictures of my lovely children. Okay, okay, it's mostly Saoirse and Sophie. I really do have 4 children it's just hard to tell via the camera. Once they reach a certain age they don't seem so keen on picture taking.

Where do you think I might have put it? I'm asking you lot because I am stumped. Normally it goes on the computer desk, occassionally on the bookcase. I last used it in the house so I know it has to be somewhere around here. Obviously you don't know the layout of my house or what I have in it (clutter) but perhaps you can think of a place I haven't looked, somewhere blatantly obvious. Where do you keep your camera?

And yeah, I looked in the fridge.

I don't think I've ever been called bubbly before

Tonight I went to my monthly stampin' up club. I spent $160 (if William reads this, that 1 there is a typo, it should say $60) but I got 2 free stamp sets, so it all evens out. I wish I was the host this month, my friend Candy, who was, ended up with 7 free stamp sets, plus $135 in credit. Sell-a-bration is always a good time to have a party.

Yeah, total geek.

I went tonight with my neighbour Andi, who is Candy's sister in law (see that? Candy and Andi. Rhyming names amuse me.) I saw Andi get out of her van and run into her house and then the passenger door opened and out came my psycho druggie neighbour. WTF?, thinks I. Surely she is not coming. She says hi and I say "Hello!" It was sort of a suprised hello, but I think it came out very sing song. And she said "Emma, if I could be as bubbly as you always are I'd be very happy."

Seriously? So not bubbly. And since she thinks I always sound like this I have come to a conclusion. I have a fake hello. It must be a hello I give only to people I think are crazy and liable to stab me at any moment. And I really must stop using it, because I am not my mother and my mother totally uses not only a fake hello but has a whole fake posh accent for people she does not like. Like she's from some snooty part of Birmingham instead of Perry Barr. Hmmm, I think it's hard to be from Birmingham and sound posh.

Anyhoo....

...off to Costco in the morning, I heart Costco. I'm only buying food though. And maybe a couple of books. But nothing else due to the overspending on stamping stuff. Unless there's a really great deal.

...Sophie was fantastic for William tonight. She only cried for about 15 minutes at 9pm. I may get to have a life yet.

...with the exception of about a 3 hour period Saoirse wore her new princess nightdress for a good 60 some hours. We bought it on Tuesday, she wore it that night and until 4pm on Wednesday. Changed into clothes only because I had to take Sophie for her shots. Back into pjs by 7. Wore nightdress all day Thursday over a pair of jeans. Refused to change pjs at bedtime even though there was a large tomato soup stain. Had bath this morning and was not allowed to wear pjs in. Pick your battles.

...Sophie had her 4 month shots 5 weeks late. Weighs 16lbs 2 oz. and is just under 26". Both are 75th percentile. Height was 50th at the 2 month shots, so had a bit of a spurt.

I totally know how McDreamy feels

Not about oozing sex appeal. I have none of that. Not about having the abilities to cut open a human body either. I can't even carve a roast.

No, what McDreamy and I have in common is earplugs.

William snores. Not terribly badly, though some nights are worse than other. And it's not just that he snores...he breathes. And Saoirse breathes. And when Sophie joins us, she breathes.

All that breathing keeps me awake. And irritates the hell out of me. I hate body noise. I can fall asleep with the radio or TV on, but please, don't make me listen to someone breathe or snore.

Don't even get me started on how I feel about the sound of chewing.

Anyway, I think McDreamy's earplugs must be much better than mine, because he snuggled up to Meredith as though all was right with the world. Even with earplugs I keep my distance and sometimes have to put a pillow over my head as well.

Just a thought, but what's up with my usage of the word totally. When did I start this? It's really bothering me and yet I can't stop typing it.

What can be better than a mommy and a daddy?

Why, two daddies of course.

So says Saoirse. I was watching some show and the boy said "My friend has two daddies." Saoirse pops up from whatever she was doing (making a mess) and says "TWO daddies!!"

Oh, the excitement. Daddy times two? That would be fantastic! Just picture it... two daddies to cuddle up to at night, two daddies for horsie rides, two daddies to make watch Cinderella and the Little Mermaid over and over and over again. Two daddies to watch go to the toilet (always a highlight), two daddies to take you to the park and do nothing but push you on the swings, two daddies to wrap around your little finger.

Yes, I think Saoirse would enjoy two daddies. Her daddy? I don't think he would be so keen on the idea.

Because the links don't work...pictures

For CPA Mom and Beccy:

Today...

Today...Sophie's first tooth came up. I discovered it when we were in the truck and she was screaming bloody murder. I took off my seatbelt, turned around, and stuck my finger in her mouth. Oh shut up, you know you've done it as well. She bit me. That is the pointiest tooth I have ever felt in my life. Eventually she fell asleep, still sucking on my finger. I was a bit worried about feeding her later, but all was fine.

Today... I bought Saoirse a pair of slippers from Old Navy for $1.97. I also did somethign I swore I would never do and got the girls matching shirts. From Old Navy of course. They say "Daddy's Super Star." Seriously, way too cute.

Today... I bought a sewing craft hutch. Not for sewing. That's beyond my abilities. For scrapbooking and cardmaking. You know, the stuff I never do. But maybe one day I will. Maybe. Once I get this.

Today...I almost lost it with my son. I told him it was his night to do dishes, he ignored me. When he was downstairs I called him and said "You need to do this dishes!" This is what I heard "NO!" This is what he says he said "NO not yet, my man is going to die." Because of course playstation is so much more important than your chores. I had 2 screaming babies and an AWOL partner. Did not deal well. Tomorrow he does the dishes for his sister. William told me to leave all the dishes from today as well. If there is one thing I can not stand it is a crowded kitchen counter. Dishes will be done, but I might charge him a dollar.

Today...I went to the Disney store where all the marked down items were reduced a further 50%. Bought Saoirse a Sleeping Beauty toque, a princess nightdress (she looks so adorable, it goes right to her toes), 3 pairs of pjs for Christmas for $5.00 each (Incredibles, Bambi and Aristocats) and a baby Cinderella doll for $6.99. I love me some sales.

Today...I realized I talk about shopping too much.

1-20

I found this somewhere and I can't remember where it was, a blog I had never been to anyway. The point is to find the signifigance each number has in your life. It appears that it might be quite difficult.

1- the number of boys I have. That would be Liam; poor, lonely Liam.
2- number of houses I lived in from the age of 3-19.
3- age I was when I moved to Canada.
4- the number of children I have.
5- age I started Grade 1.
6- years I have lived in this neighbourhood.
7- scrapbooks waiting to be filled.
8- applicants I have to interview.
9- things to pick up off the floor before I go to bed.
10- day of the month in which Taylor (March) and (Sophie) were born.
11- day Saoirse (November) was born.
12- age I got my period.
13- first proper kiss. His name was Robert, he was from Weston-Super-Mare.
14- number of different people I spoke with today.
15- age I lost my virginity.
16- day I was born.
17- had a miscarriage
18- met my English penpal. Did not get on.
19- got engaged (uh-oh)
20- got married (too young! Mistake! Huge!)

Saoirse happenings

*Quite seriously, I would be very uncomfortable if a man reads this post. So, all two of you, look away.

When I got home tonight Sophie was screaming bloody murder. As soon as Liam passed her to me she stopped. William said she had pretty much cried the entire time after waking up. He also said that she fed herself her bottle, put it when she wanted it and took it out when she was done. I thought that was pretty impressive for a kid who gets maybe 2 bottles a month.

So I sit down and proceed to feed Sophie. During this, I was on the phone with my friend Shelley. When Sophie was done she cuddled against me as she often does so I just left my bra undone and pulled my shirt down a bit. At some point Saoirse comes over and sits with me. All of a sudden she pulls my shirt up and says "Can you feed me with this mummy?" I was a little shocked. How to deal? So she repeats herself "You feed me with this?"

I say to her that I use them to feed Sophie, that when she was a very little baby that was how I fed her. She ran her finger around my nipple and tried to undo the other side of the bra. And then told me to when she couldn't. And I did.

I really don't know what I would have done had she actually pushed trying to breastfeed. Everything I have read says just to let them but I don't know. She seems so old. Plus she has all those teeth. Ouch.

Also today, she told me she loves me. I think. I have complained before that Saoirse never says "I love you." If I say to her "Who do you love?" she will list people off... Daddy, mummy, Liam, Taylor, Sophie, Nanny...but she never answers an "I love you." It really bothers me.

Liam was home from school today and of course she follows him everywhere. He was going down to the basement and she said, as she was already going down the stairs, "I'm going with Liam. Bye Mom." (She still prefers mom to mummy, or even mum. Such an odd child.) I say "Bye Sorsh! Love you!" And I hear "Love you Mom!" Oh, the excitement! I literally jumped off the couch, put Sophie down and ran to the stairs "Did you just tell me you loved me? Is that what you said?"

She ignored me.

But I'm pretty sure she said that.

I can't believe the child has been talking for some 16 months and it took that long to get some semblance of an "I love you."

Because I insist on telling you people about myself

Beccy tagged me to do this 5 things you don't know about me and so I will because I was tagged and I think you should always honour tags. Beccy has been reading me for long enough to know that I love stuff like this, but not long enough to have read my 100 things about me or even November's "8 more things you don't want to know about me", a post I didn't even complete. So we can consider this one the completion with a bonus answer. Lucky aren't you?

1) I am grinding my teeth right now because I reread the 8 things post and relived my hatred of wood.

2) I sleep under a flag of Northern Ireland. This gives me the heebie jeebies. I said I would be okay with the flag if it didn't have the crown on it. Or the six pointed star. And if the background was yellow. At the other end of the bed is a Liverpool FC flag, it's no Aston Villa but I can live with it. I did point out to William that flags in your room are not very condusive to romance and that perhaps they should go in the garage. In fact they are a little trailer trash-y. Will plan to find a new home for flags.

3) I would like to do a house exchange for a holiday. It would be a good excuse to clean my house from top to bottom!

4) My second favourite hockey team, after the Oilers, are the Boston Bruins.

5)I would love to go to something like blogher and meet the people I love to read. But I never would, because I am too self consious about the way I look (read not skinny.)

I won't specifically tag anyone because I take it personally when they aren't done!

Slobbery kisses

Sophie has a new favourite thing to do. She loves to give kisses. When I say "Give me a kiss" and pucker my lips she laughs (oh my god! her laugh! I could die!), grabs my cheeks with her hands and comes towards me, putting her whole mouth over mine. It tickles and makes me laugh which makes her laugh all the harder.

And it's really quite sloppy. I hope she takes care of that before her teenage years. She'll have no luck with the boys if she doesn't.

My blog and I

I'm taking this one from Tonya. I saw it earlier today at Under the Mad Hat and thought oh, I'd love to do this one. Memes make me happy. It's amazing what pleases me really.

1. Do you like the looks and content of your blog?
I like the green. I wish I had the abilities to do one with pics of my kids. I love those ones.


2. Does your family know about your blog?
William and my kids do. I've mentioned to some family members that I blog, but never given them the address. Nor have they asked. Some sort of sign, you think?

3. Can you tell your friends about your blog?
Again, sometimes I'll mention blogging. My friend Shelley has read it once I believe and my friend Lisa in Vancouver occassionally is seen in my stats. Which reminds me, I wonder what her ex (a fellow Brummie!) thinks of Beckham coming to this side of the pond. Leave us a comment please.

4. Do you just read the blogs of those who comment on your blog?
Fecks sakes, no. I'd be pretty bored then wouldn't I? Not saying my commentors are boring, not at all, just that I'd only have like six blogs to read. Sad, so sad. I so love comments and I get so few. Would it kill you people to comment?

5. Did your blog positively affect your mind?
Did? Am I giving this baby up? I think it has...certainly it gets stuff off my mind at times, especially during that whole thing with William , and all my problems with the almost teenage daughter. The comments too can definitely make you think. Are you guys getting the hint?

6. What does the number of visitors to your blog mean?
I've said before that blogging is much like high school...a gigantic popularity contest. I wasn't popular then and I'm not popular now. However, does it make my day when someone I have linked to links back to me? Hello! I love it! Seriously, it was like a year and a half before Red Mum finally linked to me.

7. Do you imagine what other bloggers look like?
It's like reading a book...there's always a vague image in my head. Sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's not.

8. Do you think blogging has any real benefit?
I think it's opened my eyes. I've discovered that I am not the worst mother in the world. Americans are really quite nice :) And most of the ones I read don't like Bush either so isn't that a huge plus?

9. Do you think that the blogosphere is a stand alone community separated from the real world?
I think that it is an incredibly strong community as we have seen politically and in the entertainment world. When the American government is concerned with what you are writing (obviously I am not talking about myself!) it would be hard to say that it is separate from the real world.

10. Do some political blogs scare you? Do you avoid them?
I don't really read political blogs but I don't seek to avoid them. And why would they scare me?

11. Do you think criticizing your blog is useful?
You can if you want. I'm use to criticism. Do I listen? Rarely.

12. Have you ever thought what would happen to your blog in case you died?
Well, I am now. I would hope that William would leave a message saying I was dead. I guess if I stopped writing altogether there might be a few people who wondered what happened to me. I have wondered that if I were very sick would I blog my illness and I think I would. That would definitely be a situation in which I would have to give someone access. And no, I'm not normally morbid but my friend's friend has breast cancer and I have wondered if she blogs and what would happen if she did die.

13. Which blogger has had the greatest impression on you?
That's a hard question to answer. There are blogs I am impressed with for different reasons.

14. Which blogger do you think is the most similar to you?
Another hard one. There are bloggers I readily identify with because we have children that all turned 2 in November (Boliath, Tonya, Alissa)but that is just one aspect of our lives and for the most part my sitaution is totally different than theirs. There is probably some small similarity with every single blogger I read, be it due to my Irish obsession, my country of birth, my left leaning political views, my love of books, but probably the major similarity is parenting and children.

However I will say that the majority of blogs I read (especially the mom ones) are very, very funny, which is something I admit I am not. Though I would love to be. As I said once before in my head my posts are fantastic. What the hell happens when I put finger to keyboard? No idea.

15. Name a song you want to listen to.
Ummm...not sure what this has to do with blogging. In One Day by Lir. I love that song.

Back in time

Since I can no longer upload I am going back to when we first bought the digital camera in July of 2005 when Saoirse was 8 months old. They aren't the greatest pics but the first Kodak would let me view. Damn kodak easy share. Not easy at all actually.

First Gretzky, now Beckham

Ah, the power of Los Angeles. Or rather the power of a wife who is a shitty actress. And while I was never put through the mind numbing torture of watching Posh Spice in Spice World (is that what that movie was called?) I did have the misfortune of seeing Janet Jones in American Anthem.

I remember the day Wayne Gretzky was traded to the Kings. We were actually on holiday in Disneyland. I remember watching the news and crying while I watched Wayne Gretzky say "I promised Mess I wouldn't do this." as he wiped away his own tears. Sad days. I wouldn't care today I am sure, but when I was 14 the Oilers were a pretty big part of my life. Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones had gotten married just the month before in Edmonton's version of the royal wedding.

She was an actress, and I use the term loosely, who wanted to live in L.A. and so of course she got the blame for the trade.

And I am hearing that it is the same with Victoria Beckham (oh my God, had I thought of her when we named Sophie one of her middle names so would not be Victoria)- that she wants to be an actress and that L.A. is the best place for her. Or is it fashion she wants to be involved in? I hope not, based on the way she dresses.

Obviously, Mr. and Mrs. Beckham did not conside the effect this was going to have on me. Because I sort of hate them. Not sort of. I really do. He is part of the reason I hate Man U so much. She is just irritating with her fake boobs and fake everything else. I think she is skinnier than my 90 pound 11 year old daughter.

And now that they will be living in Los Angeles I will be seeing them in every magazine I read. Yikes. People magazine, I will not spend $4.49 if you have even one photo of them in that weeks layout.

Anyway, it seems sort of odd to me that you would leave a European team to come to North America, where the teams, lets face it, are pretty freaking shitty. I suppose he will do wonders for the sport here, which will make me hate him more. I'm petty like that.

I wonder how long it will be before he gets Frank Yallop fired as coach? After all, coaching the Canadian mens soccer team probably doesn't give you all that much power.

It's an ou, not just an o

Yesterday Liam came home with his spelling words and one of them was favourite. He had written it down as favorite and I said to him that he had missed the u.

"I wrote down exactly what was on the board."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my biggest pet peeve, Canadian teachers who can not spell words the Canadian way. Would it kill them to take .000001 seconds to add a u to the word? I shouldn't think that the little bit of added labour would harm them.

I asked Taylor's Grade 2 teacher (oh, so many years ago!) why they seemed to flip flop between o and ou. She said that a lot of their computer programs came from the States and therefore used only the o. My feeling is that when you are writing the words out on the whiteboard you should use the ou and point out that there are two spellings, but that in Canada we favour the ou version.

Seriously, is it that difficult?

How boring am I?

There must be something wrong with me. I am so bloody boring these days. Not that I'm ever overly exciting, but at least I usually do something with my day. Today, not a thing.

Here's how my day went:

2.45am- finally go to bed, after feeding Sophie at 12.30 and 2.00.
8am- wonder why I haven't heard baby cry. Forgot that she finally went to bed at 2.30. Also forgot to turn on monitor. (Hey, it was 2.45 and I was tired.)Taylor brings her in to the bedroom.
8.05- William tells me he will be home today, there is a blizzard outside, so he can't work.
8.06- Decide to stay in bed with Sophie.
Unknown time- sort of wake up because Sophie is eating. Fall back asleep. I love breastfeeding.
10.45- William wakes me up on the basis of needing his debit card to go get milk. Really, it's just because it is 10.45 and I think he's a tad jealous.
10.50- After doing what I need to (which does not include dressing) I come downstairs.
10.50- 11.15- Fed Sophie and finished reading Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons. Enjoyed it.
11.15- turn on the View. Wonder what Rosie said about Donald Trump since I missed the first 15 minutes.
11.29- wish Sophie a happy 5 month birthday.
12pm- William comes back from Safeway and Staples.
12.30- make myself a roasted chicken sandwich.
1pm- watch Days of Our Lives. We are a day ahead of the American station, I've always wondered why. Anyone?
2pm- change Sophie's explosive poo nappy. Take off clothes she pooped in.
5pm- make dinner. Souvlaki and caesar salad, quite nice.
7pm- watch Coronation Street, which is about 9 months behind.
8pm- watch Beauty and the Geek. I'm sort of loving this show, which at first i said no to watching. Feed Sophie.
9pm- Sophie asleep. Do some blog wandering.
10pm- Start reading Clare Dowling's My Fabulous Divorce.
12 am- Get ready to go to bed. Sophie awakens.
1am. Seriously, get to bed!

Note that I spend alot of my day watching T.V. I also spent alot of time on the phone, which I didn't put in, and feeding Sophie, which I only mentioned a few times. Reality is probably about 12 times. Note also, that nowhere do I mention getting dressed. Cause I didn't. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

I'd be called a racist if I put something like that on my vehicle

So the other day...well, more like right before Christmas, it just takes me that long to get around to posting about some stuff...William and I were driving through the parking lot at one of the shopping centres when I saw a couple get of a truck with what looked like a very new baby. I love very new babies so I was about to comment on it when I looked at the back of the truck which had a huge decal (and I mean huge, it was almost the length of the window and about a foot high) that said "Native Pride."

Let me just state that I am not against anyone being proud of their race, religion or ethnic background, but the reality is if a white person had a huge decal that said white pride they would be labelled racist. I most definitely wouldn't be caught dead with one and I would think that someone sporting "White Pride" anywhere on their person or belongings was a racist. But maybe that's just me.

So why is it okay for aborigionals to do it? Is it not a bit of reverse discrimination and while I'm on the topic, writing a post that most definitely could have people calling me racist or bigoted, here is another example:

My children are in the school system that has the largest native population in all of Canada. Each and every native child gets more funding than every other student be they white, black or brown, based soley on the colour of their skin. I am not so much bothered by this as I am by the fact that my school has a guidance counselor who only sees the native students. This is the only counselor in our school. Why does every other child not have equal access to councilling? Surely, there are other kids who must have shitty days and need to talk to someone. Oh, but I digress, here's my example (of what I am no longer sure):

Last year, our school had an aborigional day with sweetgrass, aborigional speakers and a pizza lunch. Only the aborigional kids and their parents (none of whom came) were invited. All the teachers were invited to attend, but only a handful did. One teacher explained the reason for her absence well. "You cannot expect assimilation and then practice discrimination. I wouldn't attend if my class wasn't allowed to attend."

There was a lot of frustration on the part of many parents at our school about this activity. I asked if only the Irish kids would get to wear green on St. Patrick's Day
if we were going to limit events to just kids of a particular background. At our school council meeting we asked why it happened like this, why was it that our children did not get to be a part of this event that celebrated what is an amazing culture. The answer was that they wanted to see how things went. This year all students attended a celebration on native culture - minus the pizza lunch of course.

And there's my little rant.

Oh, and my computer is a bitch and has a virus so I am not sure how much longer I will have posting abilities, it took me ages today, and apparently I can no longer comment on anyone else's site. I am so sad.

A shameless ploy for comments *UPDATED*

I hear that it is delurking week in blogland, so it says over at emmakirst's. I googled it, but all I could see was delurking stuff from November.

But I don't care. I still want to see some comments. Especially from whoever is coming from the U of A. I certainly don't mind that you're stopping by, but seriously...say hiya, would you not?

** UPDATE:I guess it really is national de-lurking week. Now I'm seeing it everywhere. As I trolled sites, lurking myself as I often do, I came across this site. In case you don't link, she is following another blogger's idea of donating a dollar for every comment. And I thought surely I can do this. Honestly, I can donate 20 (I'm aiming high! haha) or so dollars of my Stampin' Up money to a worthy charity can I not? So I thought about it, and I looked at the websites of a few Edmonton based organizations and I thought that KIDS KOTTAGE was a great one for a mom blog such as myself to do. You can read their mission statement if you click on that link, but essentially they are a refuge for children in crisis at home. When I was a Brownie leader we did a service project with them and they are certainly a fantastic group. So once again, comment, comment, comment! **

In other news, Taylor and Liam went back to school today. YAY! Not that I don't love and adore my children (most of the time) but it was so quiet with just the little ones and me. Except for when Sophie screamed of course. And when Saoirse had a wee fit because I wouldn't put her on the kitchen counter. And why wouldn't I? I have no idea really, she almost always sits at the counter when we are in the kitchen, she likes to 'help' with the dishes, or just sit and chat or listen to her Little People CDs or Curious George. I think I was just distracted. Anyway, minor upset and then she was over it.

And my new leather sofa arrived today! YAY! Except that there were no legs with it. And the legs made that baby. And except that I have already put a small mark on it.

Okay two small marks.

And they aren't very small.

They are sort of like tears, but not tears. You know what I mean? Almost like a scratch.

My bad.

That's what happens when the store only gives you an hours notice. And really, had they given me proper notice William and I would have thrown the old couch in the garage last night. But no, William came up at 10 to 8 this morning and said "That was the Br!ck. They'll be here between 9 and 11." And I said "WHAT!!! And you said YES??" My house was its usual mess. But I pulled it off. It's amazing what you can get done in an hour when you have to. I should order furniture more often. So anyway, I scratched the couch when I was moving the old one from the kitchen (where I had out it for them to get the new one in) to the unusable part of the livingroom/front hallway area. But I don't think my lot are the type to notice. It's my mum I have to worry about. It'll be the first thing she sees.

I'm off because my baby is asleep and I have rediscovered the joys of reading. But don't forget to comment. I'm serious.

A One Word Meme

Hoping told me to steal this off of her. So I am. I'm not very good at one word answers though. I'll try.

1. Where is your cell phone? Lost
2. Your spouse? Working
3. Your hair? Crap
4. Your mother? English
5. Your father? Rehab (a post in itself!)
6. Your favorite thing? Quiet
7. Your dream last night? Forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? Tea
9. Your dream car? ummm... one of those mini vans with the doors that close on their own. Can't remember the name to make it a one word answer.
10. The room you are in? Livingroom
11. Your ex? dying
12. Your fear? SIDS
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? social worker. Maybe.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Sophie
15. What you’re not? Thin
16. Muffins? Yum (hence the answer above)
17. One of your wish list items? furniture
18. Your dinner tonight? Taquitos
19. The last thing you ate? stirfry
20. What are you wearing? pjs
21. Your tv? on
22. Your pet? dead
23. Your computer? shite
24. Your life? busy
25. Your mood? terrible
26. Your holidays? fantastic
27. What are you thinking about right now? a fight with Taylor
28. Your car? truck
29. Your work? motherhood
30. Summer? BC
31. Your relationship status? common-law
32. Your dream vacation? Ireland. Missouri in NA.
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? today
35. School? soonish

I sort of did it.

3 reasons why one cannot leave a two year old alone with a 5 month old (almost)

1) Saoirse likes to take the baby for rides while Sophie is sitting in her chair. The baby's mother, a la Britney Spears, had not done up her seat belt. Britney's wannabe walks in as baby is leaning way forward. Baby saved from impending bump on head and possible baby chair run over.

2) Sophie is sitting on my lap. Saoirse shows her a pencil, which of course the baby wants it as she wants everything that is at all graspable (is that a word?) these days. I say no, she'll poke herself in the eye and give it back to Saoirse. Mistake! Saoirse must have thought that I mean for her to poke the baby in the eye which she proceeds to attempt. Without success. Baby saved from impending eye loss.

3) Sophie is lying on the floor screaming (because that's what Sophie does when I am not near by) and I am in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Taylor comes down the stairs to see that the sofa cushion (the one we sit on, not a pillow) is covering Sophie and Saoirse is preparing to jump. On to the baby. Baby saved from impending broken ribs and squished organs. Oh, and suffication.

This was all today. I have said to William that I absolutely will not be able to leave Saoirse alone with Sophie, not even for a minute. She's too fascinated by the baby, to eager to take her places with her, to give her things. Not sure how I can attempt to explain away the jumping on Sophie one though. That was just plain badness.

How could I have missed this?

It appears as though I have been living under a rock.

Van Morrison is coming. To shitey old Edmonton.

And I did not know.

And now it is too late.

It is practically sold out, the only seats left are in the nosebleeds.

For $113.50.

Holy fuck.

Is it just me? Am I the last cheap ass left in the world?

I paid $100 for my Dixie Chicks ticket, but that was after all the service charges and whatnot. I meant to email them in regards to the $40 onesie but forgot. Not that bothered apparently. But come on, $40 for a baby's shirt? At Jann Arden they were only $25 (and said 'I've got a good mother'. V. cute.)

I can't believe Van Morrisonis coming here and that I am not going.

Fuck, fuck, fuckty-fuck.

Brilliant Baby Alert

Tonight I was sitting on the sofa and I was holding Sophie's hands as she stood in front of me. All of a sudden, (very dramatic isn't it?) she took a step. And then another one. William was on the other sofa and he held out his hands to her and she actually let go of one of mine to grab his. This was a bit of a shocker, she's not much of a daddy's girl. She then let go of my other hand to take his and proceeded to walk to him. Yay Sophie! It's not a huge distance, about 2 steps for me, but about 15 for her. When I looked up what age they should be doing this on the trusty old net, it said about 6 months. So there we are, my child is a physical genius; a full 5 weeks ahead of where she should be.

Oh and in being helpful, Saoirse practically tore Sophie's arm out of her socket. "Walk, baby, walk!" I'm really going to have to watch her. She tends to try to help her roll as well and yesterday pushed her off of this blow up duck mat that you put water in. Because "It's mine" you know. Just like every other toy or baby related thing in the house, including almost all of Sophie's clothes. A great amount which did belong to her once upon a time. So now I have to say "Once it was yours, but now it is Sophie's." Which she is getting, most of time.

"Used to be mine!" she says. "Want it back!"

Random happenings

1) I have to pack away most of Sophie's 6 month clothing. For the most part she is wearing 6-12 month clothing now, which makes me very sad. The other day my friend bought her 2 sleepers, one in a 6-9 month size and the other was 12 months. She said that she had wanted to get them in 3-6 but they were out of stock. Thanks to that because the 6-9 only just fits her, there is absolutely no room for growth. Shame, because it is the cutest little 101 Dalmation one. So what do I do with all these clothes? Do I hold onto them because one day I might have another? It's not in the plans but due to my doctor mentioning the tubal at my c-section it never was done and I am very foolish when it comes to other birth control methods. So there is always a small chance. Do I admit to myself that I am being a total eejit for even considering a number 5 and just get rid of the lot? If so how...wait until the summer and garage sale them, send them to consignment or just donate them to Goodwill or something. I usually end up just giving my clothes away because I am too bloody lazy for the work involved in consignment or garage sales. Hey, if there's anyone out there in blogland expecting a baby girl you want some clothes? Mostly Old Navy, due to my love of that store. My favourite summer outfit can be seen here. It's shorts in case you are wondering, but she was teeny tiny thing. Sigh. What happened? Anyway, if someone needs some clothes I am willing to send them your way. Surface mail, I'm nothing if not cheap!

2) Liam needs braces. Desperately. I've known this for years, we were supposed to start the process when he was 8, but financially it would have killed me. On the 15th he goes for the inital consult, which is $60. Then he goes for all the xrays and whatnot, another $375. At that time we will discuss a payment plan for the thousands of dollars this is going to cost us. Why, oh why, did I not buy Blue Cross years ago so that I would have at least partial coverage for this? Probably because shelling out $90 a month on that would have cost me more in the long run. I might look into having it done by the dental students at the U of A which will probably cost half the price. Or I could ask his father to help pay for it, he gets off pretty easy since I'm the one that pays for everything and he pays no child support. Bitter? Noooo, not at all.

3)Back to Sophie. She will be 5 months old next week. Where has the time gone? In 2 weeks she goes for her 4 month shots. Yeah, I know. I cancelled the original shots, it was a crazy day with me babysitting, sick kids and a hockey game an hour after the appointment. I thought the reschedule would be a bit quicker. I totally screwed her up for her 6 month shots as well, all for a bit of sanity that day. She is now rolling over from front to back and back to front. One day she may even discover that she can move around doing this, she doesn't just have to stay in the same spot. I've also given her food, something I wanted to wait until she was 6 months for. However, the fact that she was feeding constantly made me reconsider. Actually, the fact that I was rubbed raw and only a step away from bleeding is what sealed the deal. And she loved that rice cereal and ate the entire bowl. Unlike Saoirse, who probably didn't manage an entire bowl combined in 6 months. Odd that when they were saying to start babies on solids at 4 months I refused and waited until 6 and now that they are saying wait until 6 months here I am feeding her early.

And that's all Sophie is letting me say apparently. Still sort of a miserable wee child really.

For the love of princesses

Saoirse's obsession with the Disney princesses has reached frightening proportions. Where did this obsession come from- and believe me it can only be called an obsession. We live, breathe and eat princesses. And literally we do eat them. In the fruit snack variety. 6 little bags in a $4.19 box. 4 dollars and 19 cents people. For maybe 36 teeny pieces of gummy fruit snacks. I'm fond of the $7.99 box from Costco that has 40 packs in it. They are just round circles with a hole in them, but for that price I can live with the unexcitement of them.

But you know, those grocery stores truly know how to milk every last dollar out of foolish parents. All the kid fruit snacks...princess, Dora, Nemo, Winnie the Pooh...sit at a two year olds eye level. It's a fruit snack conspiracy, methinks.

This morning I get Saoirse's clothes. She wants the Cinderella shirt and the socks that simply say Disney princess. How she knows I am not sure, but she does. I bring down Cinderella panties too, it's time to get this toilet training thing back on track.

"Not Cinderella," she says, giving me back the panties. "Snow White please."

Back upstairs I go. I could have said she had to wear the Cinderella ones but she did say please. May as well as reward the use of manners.

Once she put on the Snow White panties (on her own I might add) she refused to put on her pants. Because you know, everyone had to see her fancy panties. She did consent to having her shirt put on, but only around her neck. I suppose actually putting on her shirt would mean covering the panties. She did eventually put one arm in.

And then Taylor was going to take her sledding. So out comes the nappy. "NOOOOO!!!!!! Snow White panties! No nappy!" I say to her that she needs a nappy and I will put her Snow White panties on over them. This is not an ideal plan but I do it anyway. She has a little cry and falls asleep. Missed out on the sledding entirely.

Tomorrow I am going out and buying princess pull ups. Yes, I'm a sucker. I don't even agree with pull ups, I think they keep kids in nappies longer, but I'll try one bag and see how it goes. I'm also foolish enough to buy the princess potty, the potty I originally wanted but didn't buy.

This afternoon my friend Candy bought her a princess shirt that features Snow White, Cinderella, Belle and Sleeping Beauty. She showed it off to everyone and lovingly carried it around. She then insisted on putting it on. Because it has Snow White on it. I don't know where the Snow White thing came from really. She watched the movie twice, back in November and the DVD disappeared. And, no, I won't be buying another one. Somewhere in this house is the video version. She can watch that.

**Note to self: Hide the Cinderella jacket that was bought way before she became a princess freak. If she sees it now, will never again wear her winter jacket and is liable to freeze. Or throw numerous tantrums.

**Note to self, number 2: Grow up ffs. You're the MOTHER, she's the CHILD.

2006 in review...via a meme of course!

Knowing how fond I am of memes and all, you should not be at all surprised that I am choosing to start 2007 with one. I found this one at And then there were two!, a blog I have recently started reading. I can't not read a blog where the son is called Liam, which just happens to be my favourite boys name for the last 19 years.

**EDIT ALERT** I really should re read beforeI publish. I missed an entire question and since I cut and paste from the other site it remained as someone else's answer. So for number 37 I did not go to a wedding.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

I can't think of anything. I'm sure most things I did I had already done.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My New Years resolution was the same ol, same ol...lose weight. I didn't realize (or was in denial) that I was already pregnant so that sort of screwed that. I lost for a while after Sophie was born, but the month of December always messes me up and I'm pretty sure I put on at least 5 lbs. I'm scared to weigh myself though. What else? I planned on being more organized. Yeah, not so much. I hoped not to yell at my kids. Didn't work.

All my resolutions are the same again. Broken 2 already...I am eating the leftover chocolate and whatnot when I know I should just throw it away. I screamed bloody murder at Taylor and Liam tonight because they just would not. shut. up. and I was losing my mind. Ah well, there's always tomorrow. I did go apologize.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Well, there's the lovely but tempermental Sophie delivered by none other than yours truly. Two of my friend's had babies, Jen had Bennett in May and Sue had Carter in December. William's step daughter had a girl in September. Oh, and my ex sister in law, who I used to be close to, had a girl in November. I sent a gift and can you believe she didn't even call and say thanks?

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not this year, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?

Countries? Feck sakes, I don't think I even left the city limits. That's a lie, I went to Devon. Obviously not the English Devon.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

My sanity?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 19- the day I discovered I was pregnant.
January 23- the day we found out William's visitor extension had been turned down and he had to leave. Also, the day the Liberals lost their minority government. I didn't think the Conservatives would last this long. Damnation.
February 3- the day William and Saoirse went to Australia.
April 30- the day they came home.
August 6- the arrival of Sophie.

There are others but those are the biggies.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

The fact that Taylor and Liam have not yet been tortured by my hands. I was close some days. A happy, healthy Saoirse. Sophie. Even though, once again, my body was a failure when it came to going into labour and delivering a child I certainly had no problems getting pregnant (in 2006 technically) and I am thrilled to have her.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I think it was not going with my gut instincts and insisting on waiting that extra week to see if Sophie would arrive. I also regret the c-section. I will always wonder if she would have eventually arrived naturally, be it through induction or not.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

If I had a proper doctor (not the Irish quack) then I am quite sure I would have been sent for a chest xray to see why I have a persistent smokers cough, even though I have never smoked in my life. Other than that, it would just pregnancy related sciatica and other stuff. I'd have to go to the other blog to see what I whinged and whined about and I know there was plenty! It's amazing how quickly you forget.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My leather sofa that still has not arrived. My Dixie Chicks concert ticket. All my Stampin' Up stuff. Every Christmas present that was given. I just love shopping.
The days I hit Old Navy when all the clearance was 50% off. The 8 shirts I bought for a baby shower for $12. A friggin deal. Even better was the day I sent William in with a receipt to see if they would price adjust two items and one full price shirt had gone to $3.99. I loooove sales.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Ummm...not mine. Not William's. Not Taylor's. Nor Liam's. Not any of us for laughing at Saoirse's naughty behaviour even though it really is adorable. She's going to be a wee devil that one.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Well, that 8 week fight with William was pretty fucking depressing. He mentioned it tonight, that he needs to calm down, to not get so worked up about things. Here's hoping. I suppose I could just ask my brother to keep him in a steady supply. Hardly ideal though. My behaviour in regards to Taylor especially is pretty appalling. Counselling required? Most definitely.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Towards my desire for things I don't really need.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I don't think I got very excited about anything other than Saoirse and William arriving home. I can admit I was not really, really, really excited about being pregnant. It was terrible timing, just awful. I was excited to have her of course, I love the child like mad. I wouldn't give her up.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Every James Blunt song, because that was my most listened to CD. Hehe. I'm almost embarrassed to admit to my love of James Blunt. Biggest regret of 2006? Not going to his concert, which I hear was fabulous.

"Lullaby" by Dixie Chicks. It's my song for Sophie and she is the only one who likes to hear me sing. I love the way she stares so intently at me. I'm sure one day she too will tell me to stop that terrible singing.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier I think. Hard to say...I was always seem to be in a state of turmoil. But right now, things are pretty good.
b) thinner or fatter? Well, my jeans are still a bit loose. That may not last if I am not careful. I tend to start gaining at about this point after having given birth.
c) richer or poorer? Richer. For a poor person lol. Though this will all change once William is a permanent resident and can work. I will be claiming our relationship (which I can't wait to do!) and that will drastically lower my Child Tax benefit. I'm not purposely scamming the system, just so you know, but when I had Saoirse I called that agency and explained the situation and the girl I talked to told me just to leave him off because he isn't here legally and has no income to claim. So I did. Sorry all you Canadians whose tax dollars are going to me. But if you have to be a "single" parent, this is the country to do it in. At least in North America. In Australia, you can get paid to stay home until your kids are 16!! Even I think that's crazy.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Spending one on one time with each of the kids, especially Taylor. I wish William and I had had more time together. It's definitely a strain on your relationship when there's a baby- or two- sleeping in between you. Reading. God, I miss reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Yelling. Eating crap.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

It's over and done with. We spent the morning at home, then went to my mum's as per usual. Since she had visitors this year (my aunt and cousin from Vancouver and my aunt's friend from Weston-super-Mare) there was no room for us to stay the night like we normally do. We were all home by 10, with the exception of Taylor who stayed over and was up until 4am.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?

With my Sophie-ba-dophie. Yep that's what I call her. Silly I know. On Christmas Eve, I even had a chance to fall for William again. It was a shitty few weeks, but I really do love the guy. Christmas Eve reminded me why.

22. How many one-night stands?

Not a one. Happily. There was one very bad year in my past where the answer would have been atrocious.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Oh my God. What wasn't my favourite? Let's see... Cold Case, Desperate Housewives,
Justice (where or where are you Justice?), the Nine (again WTF happened to this show?) Ugly Betty (LOVE IT!), Grey's Anatomy. Oh, there's so many. Amazing Race. Survivor. CSI. I should have put down that I watched too much TV this year.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. I spent some time pretty angry with some people, but I'm not a grudge holder.

25. What was the best book you read?

Although I said I didn't read enough I still read a lot. It just wasn't 3 or 4 books a week like it used to be. I can't think of just one book.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm no talent scout. Nothing. Though I managed to avoid listening to a full Justin Timberlake or Black Eyed Peas song and that scores highly in my books.

27. What did you want and get?

I didn't know I wanted Sophie but I was happy to get her. I got my 4 bedroom house, which also makes me happy.

28. What did you want and not get?

I did not get my scrapbooking room which makes me very sad.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Film? In a theatre like? I think I saw Pink Panther and Cars. Of the two, Cars. In rental world I really liked You, Me and Depree. Though I spent the whole movie saying I wished I was that skinny.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

God, it was only just over 2 weeks ago and I can't remember. Went to my mum's for lunch. Got my portable photo printer. Can't remember what we did in the evening. Probably watched Cops or something equally exciting. I was 33, which may explain why nothing too fun happened.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Knowing that William was allowed to stay. That would have taken away a lot of stress. Having his court case dealt with. That would have been satisfying for him, which would have pleased me. Knowing that the man who abused him is still walking free kills him.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Jeans and a long sleeved tshirt. That's me. Very dull.

33. What kept you sane?

I'm pretty sure I wished for sanity in 2007.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Fancy? Is this English? I fancy Neil Patrick Harris, even if he is gay. I fancy Gerard Kennedy as far as politicians go. I sorta fancy Scott McKay but the fact that he is a Conservative is a huge drawback. I've just watched Freaks and Geeks and Seth Rogan is kind of cute. I like chubby.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

I'm pro gay marriage so having Conservatives in power was a big concern, thankfully it appears they are leaving it as is. It was a big year here... a new Liberal leader and a new premier in Alberta. Not thrilled with him, but he's gotta be a thousand times better than Ralph Klein and way better than one of his opponents. Would not have liked Ted Morton at all.

36. Who did you miss?

Saoirse and William during the 3 months they were away. Painfully. I miss my family in England and the friends that seem to be disappearing now that I have two babies instead of one. Maybe it's just me.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

This year I met two people who stand out...William's niece Vicki who came back from Australia with him and stayed for a month and my neighbour Tanya who moved into my old house. She's so freaking nice it is scary. There are a few other new people in the neighbourhood who are great for the amount of gossip they can provide the gossipy people like me with. Nothing exciting like illicit affairs mind, just tales of how very dense they are.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

I learned to love the unexpected.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Cause I'm never, never giving you up.

That's what I sing to Sophie every day. And I include Saoirse, Taylor and Liam in the sentiment. William too, we made it through a totally shitty time, I don't want to give him up. Ah, corny.