I'm going to finish this freaking thing if it kills me

25. Brown Eyed Girl at Put the Fun in Dysfunctional. You've got to love a girl who loves Homefront. But she is also a great mother, wife, sister and daughter.
26. Jen at Mother Hen. Beautiful, beautiful pregnancy photos. Made me wish I had done them with my kids, stretch marks and all.
27. Oh God, there are so many of you who read this and never comment. You know who you are, so say hi wontcha?
28. Sandra at Over Here. She once mentioned ingrown toenails on her blog. Why? I don't know. She may have performed surgery on someone's toes. I always wonder. Ingrown toenails uck me out, although I am getting used to Saoirse's. It's only taken me 2+ years. She'll end up having suregery one day. They have to rip the nails out. Ewwww.
29. Emmakirst at My Life. I would love to live on the East Coast.
30. Random Mommy at random mommy. limited cleverness. Seriously, is there anyone who has sex more than her and her husband?
31. Chris at Ms Cellina. This is Beccy's mum. They seem very close, I mean I could never let my mother near my blog. NEVER. I think that she raised 2 very lovely girls. (Note to self...add to blogroll.)
32. Frannie at the taysavang syndicate. Frannie's inlaws say some funny stuff. (Note to self...still need to add to blogroll.)
33. Michelle at And Then There Were Two! Crazy mother? She's got it, in spades. And a mother in law too. I hope she doesn't mind me saying that, because you know how sometimes you can say whatever you want about a person but you don't want anyone else to? So no offense, but she's a bit of a whack job, methinks. I really like her because her son is called Liam. And her soon to be born daughter will be Lily, which is Sophie's second middle name in case you didn't know.
34. Sam at Chattering On. My first Australian blog! You'd think I'd read more of them considering it's where William is from. Sam just announced she is expecting her third journey and I am looking forward to reading all about the joys of pregnancy, since I am never, ever having another baby. Never, I say.
40. Lost Somewhere in Antrim. She went private. Which was sad, because I really enjoyed her. So no, it wasn't Silly Hily like many of you thought. I just emailed her and asked her would I have to beg for an invite? She didn't make me beg but I did get the invite. I would have to. She makes me laugh.

10 more to go. I just can't. Children are in my face. In. My. Face. It's like it's a hint.
I swear to God it will be finished tonight. I mean really, it's only 10 more. Do you like how I skipped 35-39?

I may one day finish this who's who

The original list of 50 bloggers can be found here, the first list of who is who is here, the second one is here. Pray God this is the final installment.

24. Am I allowed to say your name? at Jason. For the Love of God. Not only does she love her husband a whole hell of a lot (and her very adorable twins too), but she is pee my pants funny. Fun-freaking-funny, I tell ya. Go read. Go now. I will still be here.
25.

Oh crappers. Sick baby. Screaming bloody murder. Will try in morning.

Tag, I'm it!

I had recently seen a post over at Beccy's blog that I was thinking I would like to do myself. Luckily I was tagged by Lisa. If you ever need someone to tag I am the girl. I love doing stuff like this in case you haven't noticed.

So I am to choose the 3 songs I would pick if I could only listen to three songs ever again. This is going to be very difficult for I love a lot of songs. I have to sleep on it I think.

I could have just told Lisa that I would do this in her comments instead of here, but for some reason I am unable to comment there. Damn typepad! I will also tell lisa that she did not offend me with her post, not at all, it was very touching actually. There was a comment on it that bothered me, but I am well over it!

The continuation of the who's who

13. I was thinking of Whimsical Chaos but really I could have done a page on people who used to visit but never or very rarely do anymore. Am I that boring I ask of Silly Hily, Stacy, Susan in VA? Oh yea, I'm totally calling you out. Though I did read that Susan is taking a break. Anyways, I guess it shouldn't matter that they aren't visiting, I still enjoy their blogs. All fantastic and funny writers.
14. Paul at The Life and Times of an Irish Emigrant. It's been awhile since he posted, the holiday to Ireland may have turned into a move back perhaps? Anyway, I'm dying to see if I am right.
15. Julius Geezer. Another Irish blogger. The link was an unexpected surprise. This totally could have been red mum too. That took a year and a half!
16. Julie at Dribble and Drool. And all the others of you who work and take care of kids. I specifically mentioned Julie because when I first started reading her she was just looking into daycares. Yikes. I don't know how any of you do it actually. You think I'm a mess now? Wait until I go back to work in 4 months. 4 months! I'm dreading it.
17. My4kids. This also fits emmakirst. I still think people with 4 children are kind of crazy, but I wouldn't give any of mine up.
18. Another twofer. Debbie at A Step at a Time and Susan in Va. I so could not homeschool my kids, I'd be long gone in the mad house by now.
19. I found this one on babyblogarama. They had quads and while I can understand the need for additional finances, I can not understand why you would put it your blog, even if it is mostly friends and family that read it.
20. Alissa at A Kid Called Emma. She is also number 36 on the other list (2 children close in age to mine, hope she doesn't quit blogging.) She makes me laugh, I am envious of how advanced her daughter seems in comparison to Saoirse.
21. Mark at From Cork To Toronto. Yea, he's way too smart for me. But I admire anyone who will move to this country for love.
22. Joe at Assorted Nonsense and Olivia and Avery. Cute, cute kids. Though I've only seen one picture of Joe's girls.
23. My Left Wing Girlfriend. This is a blog from around here, they had twins and one of them is disabled.

Sophie awake for final feeding. Will finish this eventually.

And another one turns 11

Today Liam turned 11. Is it just me, or is that the older they get the less exciting the birthday becomes? Normally I would have invitations out 3 weeks before the event, but 2 weeks ago I had nothing planned. I gave him the option of a party and a smallish present or no party and a Wii. He chose the Wii, which we don't even have yet because everyone is sold out. This was supposed to be his last big party and I feel bad that he didn't get it. He doesn't mind though, I guess he's thinking it's better to have years of a gaming system over one $200 party that only lasts 3 hours. He ended up getting 3 games for his playstation (all ones that I would not have approved of, this is what I get for sending him and William out together!), some clothes and a new soccer ball. He received presents from his dad and my mum last weekend. Not even a phone call from the paternal grandparents, this really pisses me off. I can bet a card and some money will arrive from William's parents in Australia in the next few days, but nothing from his own grandparents. Once their dad passes away, they will lose virtually all contact with his family. H's sister already will not allow them to come over there, so they have to meet him at the mall. Anyway, that's a supersized post in itself, and I shouldn't get into it now.

So my baby is 11. I am not allowed to call him my baby anymore, of course, but I still do. I found today really sad. He is growing up so fast and I worry about him so much. He is 11. He is 11 and he cannot read. This absolutely breaks my heart. I think I let Liam's dyslexia define him, and I know I shouldn't do that. But...but how do you go through life as an illiterate adult? For unless things change quickly that is what he will be. He did so well in his first year of academic support, in Grade 4, but now, in the fifth and with a new ( and not very able) teacher he is really struggling. Since he was diagnosed with his learning disabilities in Grade 1, I have resisted putting him on meds. I think I am going to have to break and do it though. He just can't focus at all. Ask him to do something and it goes right out his head. This has been a hard year for Liam, fighting at school with his friends, struggling with teachers who he thinks don't like him, his father's progressing illness.

And yet, he is such an amazing kid. A whiz at math, he can do multiplication in his head that I would do on paper and then double check with a calculator. He has unending quantities of patience with Saoirse. He will watch any Disney movie with her over and over. He loves soccer, snowboarding and skateboarding. He refuses to cut his hair and it is now at his shoulders (that's not amazing, just annoying.) He loves his dad and is willing to see him while his sister will not (again, another post!), he loves his step dad and even possibly his mother. At 3, he used to make himself sandwiches, now he cooks himself eggs most mornings for breakfast, and can make any number of meals.

All in all, he's a great kid, I have been blessed to have him in my life for the last 11 years.

He doesn't like to have his picture taken, and with the camera unable to upload for the last 4 months there are few to choose from. Notice he is not looking directly at the camera in any of them and that his hair tends to cover his face. These pictures are from this past summer.



Letting Saoirse attempt to choke him. Excuse the mess in the background, this was right after we moved and there were boxes everywhere. The blue container got moved up to the girls room, where it still sits to this day. I'm pretty sure it was mostly crap really important things from my bedroom.



At the Welsh pavillion at Heritage Days, He refused to look up, whereas the picture of Taylor you can actually see her face. That's Saoirse in the pink hat behind him.


Holding Sophie in the hospital. I love this picture of him, even though you can't actually see him. To me, it's just a picture of adoration. And how different from 21 months earlier, when he wanted nothing much to do with Saoirse and cameras!

So what did you give up for Lent?

I didn't get my ashes today, the first time in years. It's the only Catholic-ish thing I do. Aside from sending my kids to Catholic schools, of course. I'm feeling a little guilty about it, a feeling I was not expecting.

So I guess I better give something up for Lent. 40 days of not having what?

I usually try and give up the same thing that I use in my New Years Resolution (broken on New Years Day every year, without fail) and that is yelling at my kids. The older ones. I know you are supposed to give up something you enjoy, and believe me, there are moments when I enjoy yelling at the two of them. Anyways, it's good for my lungs.

But I should give up something that I really, really, really love.

I think it's going to be chocolate (especially Mr. Big, which is just yelling at you to gain weight by its very name) and pop. I'm aiming high with two things and hoping to shed a few pounds of chocolately, poppy fat.

I'm taking bets. How long do you think I'll last? There may be prizes involved here. I'm doing good so far, and its only been 10 hours. I turned down the offer of a chcolate bar from William today and didn't have any coke with my dinner.

By the way, I'm in this all alone, Taylor is still thinking about it in the hopes that I will forget, Liam is refusing and William says he doesn't have to do it due to the fact that he is not of my religious persuasion. But don't let that have you thinking I won't last 40 days. I might last 4, I might last 40. We will see.

And what did you give up?

Who's who in the world of bloggers I love (and one or two that I don't)

1. Tonya at A Mother's Journal, a blog about the lovely and premature Randie.
2. Girl From Florida. I mean absolutely no offense, I love her blog, and she seems to be a great person, I just don't think we would like each other.
3. Chas at Sugar and Spice, who totally does not have love handles.
5. I can't remember the url to this blog. I found it when I was new to blogging and was hitting the next blog button. It was something like fred and wilma fun and let me just say, those were some raunchy people.
6. Ashley at And Baby Makes Three. I loved that blog.
7. CPA Mom. I always wanted red hair.
8. Red Mum I have been reading her since I started blogging. Not only does she write an article about parenting her teenage daughter for a Dublin paper, but she takes amazing photos.
9. Memoirs of a Fat Girl. So she had a thing for a guy in high school, but he had a girlfriend, but he really liked FG (who I assume is so not fat, not Emma fat anyway), but his gf got pregnant, god forbid, and he stayed with her. FG wrote about him on her blog and decided to email him, just to see what he was at these days. And he was divorced. And they have been together ever since. Just go read it, she tells it much better than I do. Be prepared to laugh and cry.
10. Beebop-aloobop. He's a cutie, no denying it.
10 #2. Kathy at All About the Boy. Very handsome. I totally did a twofer there, I like to cheat.
11. Catwoman at Canadian Thoughts in Texas. One of my favourite blogs. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry, I looooovvveee her. In a totally platonic way of course.
12. Hoping at Making a Life. She miscarried when I was somewhat unhappily pregnant with Sophie (don't even go there...I'm thrilled to have the child) and it made me stop and realize how very lucky I was. She is now expecting a little boy.


Holy crapoly, it's gone midnight. William is off the morrow, which means I am getting Taylor and Liam up so I had better get my arse to bed. Will finish this tomorrow, along with posting about my latest dilemma. Which involved me opening my big fat mouth in reagrds to this here blog.

So this is why 61 was left out.

Remember that questionnaire that was missing #61? I was reading a new blog I read, that I keep forgetting to add to my blogroll GRRR, and I found out what it was (thanks, frannie!)

And I can see why so many people left this question out. Because it's all about blowjobs people.

Now, no one in my family reads my blog, apparently they either aren't bothered to care that the cousin/niece/sister they never see blogs, or they aren't smart enough to string together my kids names to do a search for my blog (which is what I do, because apparently I have a lot of time on my hands.) What I'm trying to get at is that there is no family reading this to offend, and the only friend who reads this so would not be offended at the talk of oral sex. Unless she has recently changed.

I did worry that I might offend some of my readers though, so here is ample warning that I am going to answer this question. Go 'way (as Saoirse says) if this is not your thing.


*****************************************************************************








61. Spit or swallow? To be quite frank, I don't see the point in putting out all that effort to not finish the job. And really, once it's been in your mouth (haha, I accidentally typed 'mother' instead of 'mouth'...what would Freud say?) you've already got the taste. And it's not that bad really.


Now wasn't that a whole lot of build up for a whole lot of nothing?

50 Bloggers

As I was lying in bed the night I wrote the sentences about people I know I realized I really should have put it into 2 categories... one for people I know/knew in person and one for bloggers, since I had left so many people I read out. So here we go.

1. I think your daughter is probably very gifted.
2. Although I read your blog quite faithfully, I don't think I would like you in person. However, you fascinate me.
3. What love handle? I wish I had your figure.
4. I think you are quite lonely.
5. Maybe it's just me, but when you're in love with someone it doesn't seem right for either of you to be having sex with other people.
6. I often wonder what happened to your other blog.
7. I wish I had your red hair.
8. You have done such a great job raising your daughter- much better than most 2 parent families would have.
9. I am so glad that you were able to reconnect with the right guy, and that I was able to read all about it.
10. I think your husband is the best looking of all the blog hubbies I've seen.
11. Not only do I laugh at your poop posts, but your letters to your son are very touching.
12. When you miscarried, I realized I should stop and appreciate my pregnancy.
13. It bothers me that although I quite often comment on your blog, I don't think you've ever even looked at mine. (seriously, can you say insecure?)
14. I picture you as being very good looking. Maybe it's just the Irish accent.
15. I was quite thrilled when you linked to me.
16. I don't know how you manage a full time job and children. And yes, I realize millions do it.
17. Because we both have 4 children, I feel a connection to you.
18. Homeschooling your children is very admirable. It is something I have neither the patience or inclination for. Nor do I have the organziational skills.
19. It astounds me that you have mentioned a bank at which people can donate funds to your family.
20. Your monthly updates are always so humourous. They may always be late, but at least you do them.
21. Your blog often goes right over my head.
22. Your twin girls are absolutely adorable.
23. As I read about your struggles with a handicapped infant, I thank God that my children are healthy.
24. Your love for your husband is so evident everytime I read a post about him.
25. No one else I know of watched Homefront. I could like you for that reason alone, but there are so many other reasons to like you.
26. I loved your pregnancy photos.
27. You read my blog but you never, ever comment and that drives me crazy. Comment whore, ya know?
28. I still wonder what your thing with ingrown toenails is. And everytime I read you I want to comment and ask, even though you only mentioned it once.
29. Yours is the Canadian province I would choose to live in.
30. You and your husband seem to have an awful lot of sex. I admit to being totally jealous.
31. You seem to have a very close relationship with your daughter.
32. The posts you write about the things your inlaws say make me laugh. You sound exactly like one of my friends.
33. Even though your mother appears to be totally crazy, you ended up a great person and a fantastic mother.
34. I have just started reading your blog, and I am really enjoying it.
35. I don't know how you can thank God for everything in your life, when some of it has been really shitty.
36. I have a heard time reading your blog because it's very whingy. Ummm, not that mine isn't.
37. I think you are paranoid.
38. I wonder if you are as happy as you lead us all to believe.
39. I think your husband is an ass. I know, I know. Don't anyone say a word!
40. When you went private, I didn't feel I knew you well enough to ask to be invited to view your blog. I miss reading you.
42. I wish I were your neighbour!
43. I'd like to go to a hockey game with you.
44. Please post something on your pregnancy blog, I know you're busy but I am wondering if everything is alright.
45. I really liked reading your blog, but your partner is far too right wing for me.
46. You never leave comments anymore. Perhaps you are done reading me.
47. In some of your pictures, I question who dresses your kids.
48. I read a comment that you left about me on another blog and it really hurt my feelings.
49. I think your wife is very lucky.
50. You can give it, but you sure can't take it.

It's not a meme

...it's a youyou and I'm lifting it from Britmum. You are supposed to list something about 50 people you know. Tell me if you see yourself.

1. You stabbed me in the eye with a knife when we were both 2.
2. For my sixth birthday, you gave me a card with a dollar in it at school because you were unable to come to my party. I said "Where's the present?" Thinking about that embarrasses me. When Taylor and Liam were little I always reminded them to say thank you to every gift no matter what it was. It was a lesson well learned I guess.
3. I missed you when you stopped blogging and was glad to see you come back. I think that you, more than anyone, understands my situation.
4. You are Taylor's godmother and my oldest friendship. We barely ever see each other anymore. You are expecting twin girls, your first children.
5. We are friends, but I find you very condescending and racist and I have a hard time with that.
6. We spent a weekend sharing a room and I never once saw you without makeup! You massaged my calf when I had cramps at 4 in the morning and I was very grateful.
7. You broke my heart when I was 15. You threatened me when I was 16. You choked me when I was 17. You broke up with me when I was 18.
8. We clicked over books. 7 years later we are still great friends and still trading books.
9. You are an alcoholic. You deny it. You drink all morning and sleep in the afternoon. I worry about your son.
10. You are one of the funniest bloggers I read. Your poo stories make me want to pee my pants.
11. I met you on the first day of Grade 7. You thought I looked mean and would beat you up. I was wearing yellow, ffs. I was just shy and didn't smile.
12. I met you on the first day of Grade 7 too. I sat behind you. When you turned around to say hello I thought you had hairs growing out of your nose. I had never heard of blackheads before.
13. You were my penpal. We met in England when I was 18 and went to Amsterdam together.
14. You were my best friend in elementary school, but you weren't really. You could turn on people for nothing. And you did it to me often.
15. You are 5 days older than me. Our mothers were best friends. Everytime I would see you on holidays to England I would develop a crush on you and talk about you for ages after we came home.
16. You slept with our cousin and left your husband for him. It was weird. We have never really talked since.
17. I am jealous of how many comments you get on your blog.
18. You are a nasty piece of work.
19. You lost your eye in an explosion during the Troubles. You drank away the compensation money.
20. You are my daughter's all time favourite teacher. Even though she hasn't had you in two years you sent her a Valentine's Day card.
21. You were my favourite teacher in junior high. You sent me a postcard from Montreal. You taught me French and Religion.
22. Sometimes, I wish I had your life.
23. I met you in Tenerife when I was 18. You made my holiday worthwhile. I wish we had kept in touch for longer.
24. We were friends in Grade 10. You told so many lies and got so caught up in them that you ended up transferring schools.
25. You lost your baby when he was 2 days old.
26. We have become good friends this past year, and I will miss you when you move.
27. Because of your boyfriend, there was a drug bust in our neighbourhood last night.
28. You turned on your best friend for purely selfish reasons.
29. I met you in Grade 10. You made me a New Order tape. You are the only person from highschool that I still talk to.
30. You were burned in a fire when you were little, but you are so confident and comfortable with who you are. I admire that.
31. You had the smelliest breath ever.
32. You once wrote on my essay "If you got this mark for work done this morning, imagine what your mark would have been had you done it the night before!" I find myself saying similar things to Taylor.
33. You let us mark our own Social 20 midterm. Foolish, foolish.
34. You told me if I got fat you would divorce me.
35. I love the funny things your children say, and the posts you write about them.
36. Your two children are very close in age to my two youngest. I hope you don't stop blogging.
37. I love how candid you are about your depression.
38. I have never met you, but I think we would be great friends.
39. In the fifth grade, we were put in a group of four to talk about our summer vacations. I was so excited to talk about my trip to England, Wales and France but you spent the entire time talking about some ball crawl at Disneyland.
40. You told me you were divorced and I very foolishly believed you.
41. You were the first person I ever kissed. For 2 years afterwards, I couldn't look at any pictures of you without turning red.
42. You are Liam's godfather. You split up with my cousin and moved to California. You have not seen Liam since his first birthday. He will be 11 next Thursday.
43. Someone told me you physically attack your 13 year old daughter. I hope this is not true.
44. You stopped talking to me when you became a born again Christian.
45. You had the smallest penis I had ever seen in my life. Not that size matters.
46. I love your scrapbook pages.
47. I wish you would stop accusing her son of making fun of your son.
48. You are the most patient mother I have ever met.
49. We weorked together for 2 years and I never liked you.
50. Even though we have had some hard times, you are the love of my life.

Grey's Anatomy shocker

No, the shocker wasn't Meredith seeing the light. Of course she isn't dead, the show is called Grey's Anatomy after all. It wasn't the coughing and spluttering and her waking up wearing dry scrubs making me say "Oh, for feck sakes, not an 'it was all a dream' show."

No, no, the shocker was who she saw when she woke up. Kyle Chandler. Literally, my heart skipped a beat and there was a little stir of desire. For I heart Kyle Chandler. Love, love, love him. More than I love, say, spinach and artichoke dip with sourdough bread. It was only a brief moment of him dressed in his bomb disposal uniform and then the camera cut to Benny, wearing a hospital gown.

Why did they go to the afterlife (or limbo, or whatever it was) wearing what they died in? Technically Meredith should have been naked, or at least in wet scrubs. Or wrapped in the warming blanket. But not in dry scrubs.

Anyway, it was a very good episode. Since Meredith generally annoys me it was quite nice to watch a show that didn't feature her. I'm not going to say I want to see her dead, but maybe she will need some off camera recovery time.

*In other Kyle Chandler news, I watched my first full episode of Friday Night Lights, and I actually liked it. I tried it when it started, thinking I could watch it because of him, but I didn't make it through the first episode. Even my love for him couldn't make me sit through an hour of a show about high school football. However, Wednesday nights really suck so I tried it last not and not it was pretty good. But do they really take high school football that seriously down there? 'Cause that's just crazy.

Sigh. I really miss Homefront.

Where to go?

We applied for William's permanent residency in September and expected to hear something within 3 months.

There's been nothing so far, so they are either very backed up or...or...is it bad or good that it is taking so long? I don't know. Most of the time I am very positive about it and assume that they are taking so long because they are actually considering his application instead of just stamping it with a denial.

But I don't know. I think about what we will do if he is denied every day.

We have always talked about the possibility, I think I've mentioned it here before.

Choice number one is that he goes to Australia and reapplies from there.
Number 2 was our previous answer, go to Scotland which is where his sister lived. She recently moved to Australia in October and I don't think I could live somewhere where we knew no one.
Number 3: England. I have family there, he would have no problem getting a job, all 4 kids could get residency with no problems.
Number 4: N. Ireland. We both have family there but William is not for raising kids there.
Number 5: Ireland. Too freaking expensive. I won't even tell you what himself says about it.
Number 6 (and William's number 1 choice): Australia. Have I accurately explained my hatred of spiders and heat? What about Taylor and Liam? How would he be able to sponsor them? What about their dad? So many questions, so few answers.

I suppose what it comes right down to is that I don't want to leave here. Which shouldn't be a surprise since years ago I refused to move out of my safe haven, the area of the city where I have lived since I was three, to buy a house in a more affordable area. So if I can't even leave the west end what makes me think I could leave the country? This is where my friends are, my family, where my kids go to school, have friends and activities. I can't even imagine what would happen to Liam's education if we moved.

I'd go of course, if William has to leave, but I really hope they approve him.

More than you ever wanted to know about me continued

So the baby ate. And then I went grocery shopping. ($345...Safeway is so freaking expensive!) Came home and the baby ate. Edited the spelling mistakes in the previous post and added to number 16 (the abortion question) and number 39 (the famous people one.) Made dinner. Baby ate (apples and bananas, a delicious combination.) Did Valentines with Saoirse (princess jellybeans to give to four neighbourhood friends.) Baby ate. Did 2 housing inspections- was thrilled to see that I am not the only one who does not make my bed every morning (of course I would if I knew someone was coming in to look at every room in my house.) Came home and baby ate. Watched Gilmore Girls with Taylor. Missed most of Gilmore Girls because I was on the phone with 3 times. Flipped between American Idol and Dateline Predator. Am supposed to make Valentines cards for my kids and William but must finish this first otherwise I never will do it.

So off we go again:

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No.

54. Can you tango? No, but I can do the Charleston.

55. What was the last gift you received? Saoirse gave me a package of her princess jellybean valentines. Had i finished this morning the answer would have been a Christmas gift.

56. What was the last sport you played? Soccer.

57. What things do you spend a lot of money on? Clothing for my kids, scrapbooking and stamping supplies, groceries. Oh, and books. I love me some books.

58. Where do you live? Edmonton, Alberta. That would be in Canada of course.

59. Where were you born? Sutton Coldfield, England. Which actually became incorporated into Birmingham the year after I was born, so although my brother and I were born in the same hospital we were born in different cities. We used to trick people with that little bit of trivia. Just thought I'd share. It may also explain my love of Aston Villa, because it's surely not for their current place in the standings.

60. Last wedding attended. Taylor's godmother Janine to her fella Tom in November. They are expecting twin girls in May. Yay! She is coming over tomorrow to go through Sophie's too small clothes.

61. There was no 61. Apparently it was extremely inappropriate for blogs read by parents. Of which mine is not one.

62. Favourite position? Left of centre. Or is it center? Sometimes being a Canadian with a mixture of English and American spellings is very confusing. For example: gray or grey? check or cheque? program or programme? i just don't know. And let's not get me started on the whole o vs. ou thing again. You see how I managed to avoid all sexual references. Am quite proud of myself, as it is rumoured I talk about sex too much. But not as much as my neigbour who told a total stranger that she used anal beads on her husband. Did not tell stranger (who is not a stranger to me) that there are anal beads in my sex toy box. Unopened. Never used. See, talks about sex too much.

63. What is your most hated food? Peas. Uck.

64. What is your most hated pop? Do they still make Tahiti Treat? Whatever made me drink that as a child? The thought of it today makes me physically ill. I am not a fan of Mountain Dew either.

65. Can you sing? Not at all.

66. Who was the last person you instant messaged? Taylor. To tell her to go to sleep because she was emailing me while using her phone in bed.

67. Where was the last place you went on holiday? I consider a holiday to be going somewhere that requires flying, so that would be England and Ireland. There's been a few weekends away since then, but no holiday. Even via a long drive.

68. Favourite regular drink? Tea. I would die without tea.

69. Favourite current song? I don't have a current song. I'm still on my Dixie Chicks kick though.

70. Tag 3 people. Tag yourself should you so desire.

Because I can't stop telling you stuff about myself

...even though you are probably sick to death of hearing the same crap over and over.

I "borrowed" this from Chas, who borrowed it from Lizzy, who borrowed it from someone else and I'm sure she borrowed it from someone else. And on and on it goes.

1. Are your parents married or divorced? Divorced. My mum kicked my dad out a month before I had Taylor, when I was 21. She should have done it a good 15 years earlier but there you go.

2. Are you a vegetarian? Not a chance, though I greatly admire those who are.

3. Do you believe in Heaven? Yes, but not in hell.

4. Have you ever come close to dying? At birth, when my mother's undiagnosed pre-eclampsia led to a seizure while she was delivering me. England in the 1970s...knock her out and deliver the bum first baby vaginally. My mum did almost die.

5. What jewelery do you wear 24/7? A claddagh wedding band on my right ring finger and a claddagh on my left pinky. I was sitting at the computer one night and discovered the crown was gone. I don't know what happened to it, but I was pretty upset. I got this ring the Christmas I was 15 and never take it off.

6. Favourite time of day? In the evening, when Sophie wakes up for her 11pm (or so) feed but doesn't really wake up at all, just eats and falls back asleep. I know I'm usually good then until 7.30 or 8.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I only eat broccoli if it's in a stir fry and smothered in oyster sauce. I prefer the stem.

8. Do you wear makeup? Not in my day to day life. I'm a natural beauty, haha.

9. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No

10. If you did, what would you do? If money were no object I would have a tummy tuck and liposuction. EVERYWHERE.

11. What do you wear to bed? A tshirt and pajama pants usually.

12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Just the usual...underage drinking, but I was 17 so only by a year.

13. Can you roll your tongue? Sorta.

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? The odd couple.

15. What kind of sneakers? A pair from Scotland that are the most comfortable shoes my feet have ever felt.

16. Do you believe in abortions? I believe in a woman's right to choose. It is not a choice I would have ever made though (and I speak from experience), and I'm not sure I would want my daughter to go that route. However, I may very well change my mind should she end up a pregnant teenager. God forbid. I read this post today, where there is an interesting view from a male perspective.

17. What is your hair colour? Blonde, but getting darker and darker with every passing year.

18. Future child's name? There are no more children in my future. I think. But if one should appear through immaculate conception or something it would be Aisling for a girl...I really wish I had called Sophie that...and Cormac or Eamonn for a boy.

19. Do you snore? When I'm sick.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? I always say Ireland. Let's say Missouri this time, to see Laura Ingalls Wilder's home. Hey, let's go all the way and do a tour of all the states she lived in. South Dakota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, Kansas, I'll even throw in Florida.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, Saoirse leaves barely enough room for her dad and I never mind stuffed animals.

22. If you won the lottery what would you do first? Hire an architect to draw up the blue prints for my dream home. Go on holiday to all of number 20 and Australia and England while said home is being built.

23. Gold or silver? I'm allergic to silver.

24. Hamburger or hotdog? Either/or, as long as mustard and onions are included.

25. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be? Hopefully something I wouldn't get sick of and nothing comes to mind. Not even my beloved chicken enchiladas.

26. City, beach, or country? City methinks. Beaches = water = spiders = Emma not happy, country is too far away from necessities.

27. What was the last thing you touched. My phone when it rang.

28. Where did you eat last? Standing up in the kitchen.

29. When was the last time you cried? A few days ago. I teared up last night while reading though.

30. Do you read blogs? Apparently.

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? For halloween possibly.

32. Have you ever been involved with the police? Well, I did have a brief thing for a garda from Cork.

33. What's your favourite shampoo, conditioner and soap? Whatever's on sale. But I do love Pears soap.

34. Do you talk in your sleep? Yes. So does Saoirse. The other night she said "No, Liam, that's Daddy's."

35. Ocean or pool? I like both. Pools are warmer.

36. Sauna or whirlpool. Ack, just the thought of sauna's make me sweat. Whirlpool.

37. Starbucks or Krispy Kreme? I don't think there's a Krispy Kreme here yet. However, when the one in Calgary opened my friend drove down to get some. I didn't see the big deal. She loves it and whenever her husband goes to the Dallas office of his company she makes him bring some back. Day old doughnuts do not appeal to me. Umm..so Starbucks. But just for tea and a white chocolate scone. No coffee.

38. Window seat or aisle? Window seat as a child, aisle nowadays.

39. Ever met anyone famous? Hockey players and some authors. All while working in a bookstore. Except for 3 hockey players who we stalked outside a restaurant. 14 year olds are nothing if not classy. Oh, oh, oh, I forgot...I met the members of the very fantastic Canadian bands Spirit of the West and the Odds, as well as Lynn Johnston, the author of the comic strip For Better or For Worse. And if you don't love that strip, well, there's just something wrong with you.

40. Do you feel you've had a truly successful life? No, I am not the mother I thought I would be.

41. Do you twirl or cut your spaghetti? Twirl.

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Oprah. Though I did love Ricki in Hairspray.

43. Basketball or football? Not Canadian football and not American football. Football as in soccer and hockey. As in ice, not field. To watch, that is. To play I would choose field hockey and soccer.

44. How long do your showers last? If they are taking place when William is home they last until the water goes cold. If it's just me and the girls they are an in and out affair.

45. Automatic or stick? Automatic, I tormented whoever it was that tried to teach me to dive standard.

46. Cake or ice cream? It depends on what flavour is up for the offering. No chocolate ice cream please.

47. Are you self conscious? Totally. About my weight, which makes you think I would do more about it.

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? Have I not told the story about the time I was 17 and threw up in front of my friend Lisa's brother Robert who I had a major thing for while sitting at a table? Not even on the street where it could go into a gutter but at a table where it landed all over me. Oh, the humiliation. I much preferred blacking out because then you can't remebmer the stupid things you do. I've done that twice. Which is probably why I don't drink.

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar? Yes, but I just read an article saying how very foolish that is. And how panhandlers in the city are becoming very agressive.

50. Have you ever been in love? I should hope so.

51. Where do you wish you were? In a bed all by myself having a fantastic sleep.

52. Are you wearing socks? Yes, grey with black stripes.

Baby wants to eat. Will finish later. Lucky youse.

A letter

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 6 months old. You are such a joy. I can say that now, now that you enjoy the company of people who don't have to shove a boob in your mouth every hour. And that includes me. Sometimes you will even go three hours without insisting on being fed. You've always been great while we were out, you can go ages and ages without eating, but if we were just hanging out at home you were insistent upon eating almost constantly. Which, you know, kind of drove me crazy. There is something to say, however, for being the love of one's life. I wonder how much longer that will last.

Not long judging by the smiles your daddy gets now. Tonight when he was reading the Herald-Sun online you stood on the sofa looking at him and calling out and laughing every time he responded to you. God, your laugh. If I could bottle that laugh, I'd be rich. Who doesn't love a baby laugh?

So what can I tell you about you at six months?

You are trying so hard to crawl, you are doing pushups and falling back on to your stomach. You give it a go for a bit and then you go back to rolling everywhere. You love your toys, but mostly you love Saoirse's weebletown. You press the button to make the things spin around and then put down the little weeble and try to catch it. You've figured out that if you put your hand on the discs you can stop them from spinning. Take your hand off and they go again. You can do this over and over for a good 15 minutes and it never fails to amuse you.

You have discovered the joys of food. Farley's rusks, arrowroot cookies, jars of fruits, rice cereal, toast, you love them all. But avoid the carrots, not only do you hate them, but there's a big orange stain on the highchair table. I can't leave the bowl on table otherwise you dump it all over yourself. And did you know blueberries stain clothes? Something terrible, actually. One of your onesies looks like you rolled around in mud.

Saoirse adores you. Every night before she goes to bed she gives you kisses, and it has to land on your mouth, so she will give you kisses until it does and a big hug, which is really just her touching her head to yours with an "aaahhh." She plays with you pretty well, except for when she tries to move you and decides to do it by using your head. She did give you your first sleigh ride today, which I am sure you would have enjoyed but she kept stopping to make sure you were okay. "Okay, baby? Are you okay?" Taylor and Liam are also great with you, and love to get your big smiles. It's your daddy where we are seeing the most improvement though. You used to cry whenever he held you, but now you will willingly go to him, even putting out your arms.

You look a lot like Saoirse, but your hair is a bit darker. You have the exact same eyes, the light blue of Daddy's surrounded by my dark blue. You also have Daddy's slightly wiry eyebrows so a tweezer will be an important part of your life. I don't see me in you at all, but some people say you have a bit of Liam about you so there must be a bit of me there. You have your two bottom teeth, which you have used once or four times or so to remind me that you are eating. As if I could forget. They make you look like you are growing up and I am sort of regretting wanting those first couple of months to speed up.

Sophie, you make every single day such a pleasure. Unexpected gifts are always the best.

Love you lots and lots,

Mummy.

Loss

Yesterday I had a phone call from Taylor's girl guide leader telling me that their chocolate making activity scheduled for Wednesday night was cancelled. Why?, I ask, since I'm nosy like that. "You know Kim?" Yes, of course, who doesn't? Kim is the office manager of my community league, she runs the playgroup I never attend and hosts scrapbooking events at the hall. "Kim lost her baby."

Oh.

I am friendly with Kim, she is a great girl but I don't really know her very well. We don't do lunch or anything. But we certainly stop and chat if we see each other on the street and at community functions. I called the office the other week about a scrapbooking thing going on and we probably ended up talking for half an hour or so. Just about stuff in general and the baby of course. Everything was going great.

I called my mum last night after I heard and asked if she had heard of any stillborns at the hospital. There was one today she says and three scheduled for tomorrow.

Yes I said three. Can you believe that? I was floored by that. When I was talking to Shelley, who works in the NICU, she said no, my mother was wrong, there are never three at one time. Today she called me and said your mum was right there were three today, plus the one yesterday, plus there was one last week. There is only one bereavement room in labour and delivery so what do they do with the other two mothers? Shelley doesn't know, it's not something that ever happens.

Anyway, Kim had gone in for her scheduled visit and the doctor didn't hear a heartbeat. An ultrasound was done and there was no movement. I can not imagine what this past weekend was like for her and her husband and their two children. How incredibly devastating it must have been.

I am so sad for not only her, but these four other women and their families. Today I hugged my children for a little longer than normal, grateful that they are here.

Working things out

William read my blog the other day. And the comments. It was, at the time, horrible. He was mad. Mad at me, mad at you, dare I venture so far and say he may have even been mad at himself?

You only got my side of the story, he says. True, you did. It is accurate of how I was feeling at the time, which was heartbroken, despairing, confused and beyond sad. And angry. I was so angry. At him, of course, but also at myself. Why do I put up with this I wondered.

William reading my blog was probably the best thing that could have happened. It forced him to listen to me, to consider what I had to say. We sat and we talked over the course of two evenings, and though there is still far more talking to do, I do believe things will work out.

Definitely he will need counselling. We will need counselling as a couple. William will one day have to go back to Australia for a court case involving the doctor who absued him as a teenager. He tends to believe this being dealt with will make things better. Me, I'm not so sure. I think it will be anti climatic. I think he will still be angry. Hearing that this man is guilty can not erase years of confusion, anger and sadness. That abuse had a part in making him who he is, for better and for worse. It turned him into an angry man, but it also made him strong. It made him distrustful, but aware. I don't know what he will go through if the result is not favourable. I dread to think of it, but I do know that I will stand by him no matter what. And I would do that whether we are together as a couple or not.

For my reality is that we are a family. He is the father of my little girls, stepfather to my two oldest children. No matter how difficult his relationship is with Taylor I know that he would go to the ends of the earth to protect her. I know that if something happened to me, he would take care of those two as well.

There is, of course, a lot more to say. I am tempted to delete that post, but I can not erase what happened. My regular readers will not forget what I said about him, so there is no point in pretending those words were never said. For those of you who might worry, know that I go into this with my eyes wide open. I know that things will not be perfect, that there will be uphill battles. Before we met each other, William and I both tended to walk away when things got hard. Thought it has been threatened in this relationship, in 4 years it has not happened. That says something I think. There is something there that holds us together.

To those of you who left comments, thank you. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It is nice to know that out there there are people I don't actually know who might turn off their computer and still think of some blogger out there freezing her ass off in the tundra that is Edmonton.