Dear bitch in the ER

When I ask you a question, it is your job to answer it. You are the Unit Clerk, it is your responsibility to know where the reqs are. YOU are meant to place them on the desk so that I can pick the patient up. It is not MY job to search another 3 desks looking for one piece of paper. When I ask you about a certain req you DO NOT need to yell at me. I am not a moron and I most certainly am not a piece of shit that you have stepped on. Please do not treat me as such.

When I come back to you and say "I am sorry, but that req is not over at the nursing desk" please do not scream at me and tell me that it is. Guess what? I'm not blind. I can see. And I looked through every piece of paper on that desk and it was not there. IT WAS NOT THERE. And guess what? That is your fault. You were supposed to have that req there so that patient could go off to CT.

And guess what else? Guess. Just guess. Because you are going to love me for my thoroughness. Today I asked all about you. Talked to some people in the radiology department and talked to the service attendants in ER. And guess what I found out? I found out that you are not just a bitch to me (seriously, in 4 years of working with you I don't think I have seen you smile once. Never, in 4 years, have you spoken to me politely) but that you are a bitch to everyone. And guess what else I found out? Your boss' name.

And guess who's getting a letter from me this week? That's right. Your boss. And my boss. You have gotten away with being a bitch for far too long. I know that this may not change things, but knowing that there is a letter of complaint on your file? Will make me smile everytime I see your haggy self.

And the next time you are a bitch to me? I will walk away. And you will be the one who can explain why patients are not being picked up.

Have a lovely day you cow.

Conversations with Saoirse and Sophie.

In the bathroom:
Saoirse (in a sing song voice): I wipe my 'gina.
Me: Good girl.
Saoirse gets a new piece of toilet paper and sing songs: I wipe my bum.
Me: Good gorl, but you don't have to wipe your bum if you don't poo.
Another piece of paper and she says: I wipe my legs.
Me: That's a good girl.
Saoirse stands up and turns to flush. And says "Oh, I need to wipe the seat."

Seriously, such a good girl, wiping up her little drops.

In the bathtub, splashing by jumping on her knees:
Me: Don't splash, Saoirse, look at my jeans!" (one leg is totally soaked.Oddly enough, the leg further away from the tub.)
S: Can't you move?
M: No, I can't.
S (splashing again): Well, that's okay Mummy, they will dry. I will dry them for you.

Jumping on my bed:
S: Hop, hop, hop, I'm a kangaroo, hop, hop, hop.
M: Do kangaroos hop?
S: Silly goose! Of course they do. Hop, hop, hop.
M: Do you know where kangaroos come from?
S: Hop, hop, hop. Australia. Hop, hop, hop.
M: That's right. Do you know who else is from Australia?
S: Meeeee!!!!
M: No, Daddy is. And Nanny Rose. And Poppy John. And all your cousins.
S: And so am I! I'm going to Australia with Daddy.
Which she is. Her mother? Is not.

Saoirse started playschool last week. I have to go with her until she turns 3, which is in 2 weeks. Oh my God, my baby will be 3. Heartbreaking. Anyway, she doesn't say a word in class. She's so quiet. So shy. She won't eat the snack. She does love painiting and playing with the Dora house. She likes circle time but will not open her mouth. She just sits there looking a little lost. I don't know what she'd going to do the first day I don't stay. I expect a melt down.

And then there is Sophie, who really is a social butterfly. She will chat with anyone. Her vocabulary has exploded this week and while she has always babbled with us now there are actual words coming into play. If you ask if she would like something she says uh huh or uh uh or no. She says Saoirse, here, book, cup, drink, up, cracker, kiss, hug and if you say one she will say two. She asks questions, unfortunately I have no idea what she is saying. But you know that questioning inflection? Totally has it. Waits for you to answer and then she replies. If she wants you to read her a book she opens your hand and puts the book in it. She reminds me so much of a toddler Taylor, complete with the temper tantrums. I sometimes wonder what I am in for with that girl. I'm a little fearful.

Fun Monday- Not only clothing art, but nipple art too

Willowtree is the host of this week's Fun Monday and I think it is one of the best. So even though I knew I would have a hard time getting this one done, due to being gone all weekend (yes! it takes me days to get a post ready!) I was determined to do it. Before I left I went around taking pictures of all of the kids favourite shirts, and I had planned to show my family's allegiances to various sporting teams via team jerseys. Alas, it was not to be. It took me 6 hours to upload the 5 pictures you are about to see. Yes, that is the the honest to God truth. My house is a pig pen, all for the sake of Fun Monday. Cause you know what? Willowtree said "Don't sign up if you aren't going to do it." And since I've signed up for about 4 that I just have not done I figured I better get my ass in gear and do this. Sod the house.

Anyway, Willowtree wants to see some clothing art. That's tee shirts, baseball caps, hoodies, sports uniforms or any bit of clothing that you or your kids own that has interesting, funny or artistic graphics.

First off, I would like to conduct an informal poll and find out who writes tee instead of t when writing t-shirt. Am I just lazy? Is it just us in North America? Or maybe just Canada?

Right. Enough babbling. On to the clothing:

These tshirts were on display at the Cottonwood Farmer's Market when we were in Nelson this summer. The woman who designed and painted them was so funky. She was covered in tattoos, with one on her chin and piercings everywhere. She was a teacher which just goes to prove how liberal BC's school systems is as compared to Alberta.


My brother bought Taylor this t-shirt, and himself one in a burnt orange.


This one was bought for Liam, who sometimes forgets that the outdoors are a great place.


The tshirt Saoirse was wearing today. If only it were true!


And a boob. And no, it is not mine. I am sooo very reserved. Honestly. This boob belongs to my friend Shelley with the artwork provided by her friend Donna. Nope, neither of them were drunk. This was actually taken at 11 am on Friday morning, well before the other 23 women in our party showed up. I have to say say that Shelley is the most open person ever. I roomed with her and she had no qualms about coming out of the bathroom naked. Sometimes, I wish I had that sort of confidence.


For those of you who normally read me, I had a great weekend and got lots done. All my pay it forwards, my autumn swap, a gift (hopefully one she will like!) for a blogger, Saoirse's birthday invitations and Halloween treat bags for school and lots of cards. I was freaking productive. And if my computer doesn't shut down a thousand times I'll post those pictures tomorrow.

Not only do I rock, I rock the bowl

My very favourite Blue Momma awarded me (and the fantastic, mucho awarded AFF) with this beautiful, made-all-by-herself award. I think I may have been given it because I bitched everytime she awarded someone else. Sometimes, it pays to be a whinger. Because then, you get an award that no one else has yet been given. And even better, you get to pass that award on.

So here are my two nominees:

Emily at What's a Quirk? Oh, I love Emily. She has the life I never had. You know the one. Child free. Lots of friends (who all just happen to be gorgeous...what's the deal with that?) An active social life. Not that I'd give up my kids, but you know. Sometimes I wish I had waited. Had fun first. Instead I live vicariously through this blog. Oh and Emily? She's hilarious. My one problem with her is that she just doesn't blog enough. Yesterday was supposed to be Tuesday Ten and where was it? I don't know. But every Tuesday I look for that post. Yes, go read Emily. Go now, and then come back and then go read my next nominee...

...Debbie at A Step at a Time. Debbie lives not so far from me and were supposed to go to coffee together with Joy and Dawn but unfortunately she was unable to make it. But one day. I think Debbie and I have quite a bit in common, and so I am very drawn to her blog. Debbie often talks about homeschooling, which is something I could never, ever do but I really admire those people who have all the qualities required...smarts, organization and patience. My kids? They'd be as dumb as door knobs if I were in charge of their education. And myself? Well, I'd be up on the psych ward. Crying myself to sleep every night. But Debbie...she's doing it, and doing it well from what I can tell. And her kids they are cute. And her husband is English. AFF, you would love her wedding picture! (And you have no idea how long it took me to find that link, but let me just say you better go look!)

I'm off in the morning for my weekend away. And you people must have very little faith in me becuase not a single person was interested in waiting 6 or more months for a few cards. Honestly. I have an empty photo box that I am determined to see nearly full so if I have your address you might find you get them anyway, whether they are wanted or not. So there.

Two reasons why one should have ID

Have I ever mentioned that I lose things at an alarming rate? My mother always said that if my head wasn't screwed on I'd lose that too. Such a classic mother line. Thank God I've never said to my children. It was one of those things I swore I would never do. However, in my case, it is very, very true.

Today was election day in my city. For the first time they were requiring ID, and asking for pretty specific ID that most everyone should have. You know, a driver's licence (mine expired on my birthday in 2002), an Alberta Healthcare card (how many dozens of these have I lost? The only ones currently in my wallet are Liam's and Saoirse's...Sophie's did arrive in the mail a few days after her birth but it never actually made it into my wallet. Taylor's has been missing for ages. And yes, just in case you are wondering, you still get treated without your card, they just ask that you call in the number. It's not like American TV where you are bleeding to death and they aren't treating you because you have no insurance.)

Hmmm...totally went off topic. Basically, any piece of government issued ID would work. And me? I have none. Except for my s0cial insur@nce number, which was not on their approved list. Neither was my work ID, which is, if you really push it, government issued, since technically the government does fund health care, but like I said, you really have to push it. What my ID has though, is a picture (and is shitty as is required of all gov't issued ID) and an ID number. It also has a really cute monkey lanyard, but I figure that probably isn't what finally made the third person I talked to decide I could use that as my official yes you can vote ID.

And so I voted. And the person I voted for mayor won again. And one of the councillors I voted for won. This morning I saw campaigners for the second person I voted for and they were so enthusiastic that I decided to vote for him. He didn't win, but that's okay because I looked him up on Facebook and I wasn't so keen. I should have stuck with my 2 liberal votes. That's the thing about civic politics...you don't know who's what and you are forced to go by name recognition or, god forbid, personality. And we all know what politicians are like. Don't we? Just look at the guy to the south of the border. (No offense, AFF. Or any others who lean that way.) Oh, I suppose you could also do research on them. Yeah. Not me. I did quickly look up the fella I voted for, and I did like his website, but I didn't look at his facebook profile until tonight. Yes, I think from now on I am going to use facebook to make all of life's important decisions for me.

So there's reason one why you should always have proper ID. Reason number 2 involves those pesky Americans. Oh shut up. I love you all.

But again, not your president and his belief that terrorists are regularly crossing the border (which may very well be true. But I doubt it.) Because do you know what I need to cross the border come next year? Or to fly now? A passport. And what do I not have? A PASSPORT. Well, I do but it also expired in 2002. So you say to yourself...send away for a passport already you freaking idiot. And I would say to you that I think I already told you the passport story which is this:

I have a British passport. To get another British passport I need my birth certificate. Where is my birth certificate you ask? I have no idea. My mother, forgetting that I would lose my head if it was not screwed on, foolishly gave me my birth certificate, and I foolishly lost it. To get a Canadian passport I need my Canadian citizenship card and, yes, you guessed right, it is lost. It was lost once and actually mailed back to me but I lost it again. Because that is what I do, lose things. I could get a new one but I think I need my landed immigration papers (not lost! in my file folder!) and $75. I am cheap. I'm going to have to do it though because....

...I want to go to the States (or maybe Cuba...cheap! cheap!) next year. William is planning on taking the girls and Liam to Australia for a month in the summer so I thought that Taylor and I could have some quality bonding time. But what to do? If he wasn't taking Saoirse I'd say we'd go to Disneyland, but since he would like to take Saoirse and since Taylor has already been to Euro Disney I'd like to go somewhere else. New York maybe? Boston? San Diego? Vancouver (yeah I know it's in Canada!) with a couple of days in Seattle? If she were a Laura Ingalls Wilder freak like her mother I'd say South Dakota or Missouri. Of course, this all hinges on my saving money and knowing me the reality is we wouild have just about enough to make it all the way to Calgary, a grand total of 3 hours away by car.

But of course, first I need to get ID.

Toopy and Binoo

Saoirse's current favourite show is Toopy and Binoo. It comes on in little 5 minute pieces at the end of shows, and also in its own half hour slot. Everyday I watch Toopy and Binoo. Well, I don't watch it. I blog clean like a mad woman. Last weekend Toopy and Binoo made a stop in Edmonton on their cross Canada tour. Saoirse was very excited to go and visit them. I forgot two important things though. First I forgot my camera. I realized this at the gas station and William said "We aren't going back for it." Damn it, thinks me, there goes my next blog post. Second, I forgot to tell Saoirse that Toopy and Binoo are not going to be the smaller than her. In fact, they are going to be pretty big. Must remember to tell Saoirse these sorts of things.

We get to Londonderry Mall, which is way on the other side of the city, at 11.30 and the show is at 1.00. We are among the first there. In about 10 minutes the show area is packed. We were sitting on the floor and my back was killing me and both legs fell asleep. Much fun. I really thought Sophie would be awful, she is such a handful, but she was fantastic. They had two TVs set up and when 4 Square came on she about went crazy. Pointing and dancing, she was so adorable. I really wish I had had the camera to video her. 4 Square is this weird show where they all wear matching coloured outfits in the most atrocious shades and sing and dance and whatnot. I'm pretty sure Sophie's first sentence is going to be "Do what the doo-whahs do!"

When Toopy and Binoo came out Saoirse had a tiny meltdown and hid in William's arms asking to go home. Sophie stood up, pointed and oohed and aahed at them. They put on a pretty good performance about a magic show and Saoirse ended up really enjoying it. When it was all over it took me a good 5 minutes to stand up. I am so freaking old before my time it is not even funny.

If Toopy and Binoo happens to land in your city I highly recommend you go. With your kids of course. It'd be a bit weird if you went on your own. And if you don't have Toopy and Binoo in your neck of the woods I suggest that you call your local kids station and ask what's up with that. Seriously, how many versions of Sesame Street can one station show? I count 3 on PBS. Or you could always order the DVDs. Or ask your friendly Canadian to burn the ones her daughter is going to get for Christmas.

Gone again.

My computer is totally fecked up. Three hours it took to start up tonight, and we are in dire need of a new one. Unfortuantely, there is not a spare $1000 hanging around my house. So I will be reading blogs at weekends, and doing not much else. I just don't have the patience for messing around with this machine. Thanks to all the dozens of people who wondered what happened to me (okay it was only ONE!) (Thanks, Blue Momma, I heart you the most of all!) I'm still here, still alive, still fat, but with a brand new Columbia jacket, so sorta happy. In other happenings in the McSully home...
- William quit his job! He starts a new one on October 22. I can not even begin to tell you how happy I am.
- I became a stampin' up demonstrator. One day, I may even have a party. I'm just doing it for the discount really, but I suppose it would be smart to try and sell it too.
- Liam is reading so well. I don't know what happened. I wonder if this means a mainstream junior high is in his future.
- Taylor is at the top of her class in both Math and L.A. She's actually working, which thrills me to death. But not on her bedroom, which is still a pigsty. And yes, I let her go to the birthday party. Stupid, stupid.
- Sophie and Saoirse are great. Sophie is back to sleeping 13 hours at night, she must be going through another growth spurt. Saoirse is going through what has quickly become a very annoying Little Mermaid obsession. All I hear about all day is Ariel. And for Halloween she has a very reasonable, very warm elephant costume. She has now decided that she is going to be a mermaid. Old Navy, though? Their mermaid costumes were for newborns only. And the Disney store? No thanks for $44.50 for an outift she could not wear outide on an Edmonton night. There's supposed to be snow. And it'll be freezing I am sure. So she'll wear that elephant costume and bloody well like it.

Oh my God I am my mother.

And as for me? I am going away next Thursday, for a nice long weekend in the mountains. Where I plan on making my pay it forward gifts (AFF, Beccy, Wendy and Chas...correct me if I am wrong), a couple of altered clipboards and to finish up some things I was suppose to send out ages ago. So if you want something and are willing to wait forever and a day email me.(Probably at emmamcdon@gmail.com...easier to check from work! And the last time I will check is more than likely Sunday night.) I am planning on working my ass off all weekend so hopefully I will get a few extras done.

Oh and I'm not pregnant. I really thought I was. I wonder what the deal with that is? 5 straight months of doing it between days 10 and 16 and nothing. William is right I think. I am trying to get pregnant. But I'm not really. I spend the 2 weeks following thinking "Oh my God I'm pregnant what am I going to do?" and then the day I get my period is spent crying. So strange. I think I just have a fear that at my yearly appointment later this month I am going to be told that the remaining ovary is kaput. And then it really is all over. And I'm not sure I want it to be. God, my writing must drive English teachers batty. All those ands at the start of a sentence.

In other medical news, I have to have a root canal. I went for a filling this week and the cavity was so bad and so far up that 2 of the roots were dead. I'm supposed to go next Wednesday but I think I am going to change it because I really do not want to be in tooth related pain on my ladies weekend away.

And that's it from me, I think. Exciting, no?

Looking forward to a very slow weekend at the hospital so I can read you all.

A Sophie Picture Post

So Alissa asked where all the pictures have gone. And that answer is, they are sitting on the camera. I downloaded 2 months worth of pictures the other day, it takes so freaking long that I just can't be bothered most of the time. Although I suppose if I did it every few days it would take no time at all.

So here we go, almost 2 months worth of pictures of Sophie, Hope you can stick with them til the end.


Here she is on her first birthday. I still feel some guilt over the fact that she did not have a proper birthday party. Such a crappy mother.


Does the cake look a little messed up? Let me give you some advice...never send a man out on a Tuesday to ORDER a birthday cake for Friday. Because he will come home with a cake on TUESDAY. You will then promptly drop the cake because you are so shocked. Cake will be salvaged and stored in fridge for 3 days because no one gets paid until after the birthday. Cake tastes suprisingly good 3 days after the fact actually.


Mmmmm....nothing like some food colouring.


The first birthday ritual- hands in the cake.


That was some kick ass 3 day old birthday cake.


I luuurve this picture. Such a poser.


Wearing Taylor's glasses.


Here she is rubbing her cheek against the furry part of the book. Somehow it's not quite the same with your hand you know?


Getting undressed. As you can tell by many of the nappy only pictures, she much prefers to be undressed. She actually runs away as soon as I take off her nappy in order to avoid having a new one put on.


Sophie and Taylor. Love the smile on her face.


Such an odd girl. She is forever covering her head with blankets, towels, buckets or clothes (this is Saoirse's skort) and walking around bumping into things and laughing hysterically.


Yes, she had a candy necklace. I know it is all sugar. Shush.


She loves this little car.


A typical Sophie look while eating.


If you can't find Sophie she is one of two places- the bathroom, playing in the toilet or stuck in the chairs under the table.


Having a drink.


Taking over the big kids slide at Chuck E. Cheese.


Walking around Hawerlak Park, where she enjoyed feeding the ducks.


Taylor and Liam play this game where they put her in a blanket, swing it back and forth singing "Wash the dishes, dry the dishes, throw the dishes on the couch!" And then they toss her onto the couch, gently of course. Both Saoirse and Sophie love it.


Wearing Mr. Potato Head glasses.


Another favourite spot, sitting on the table.


Playing in the wagon, which they had stuffed with leaves.


Sophie is so determined. She shook this rake back and forth until she knocked it down. Someone tell me why my neighbour puts her decorations on my fence?


The grumpy face. And a Spiderman bandaid courtesy of Saoirse.


Every morning when she wakes up she calls out to Daddy. This is the face I get when she sees it's me. And still I'm nice enough to wash away the big green pieces of snot. Though I suppose she actually thinks it's quite mean.

If I got paid to watch TV I'd be rich

I watch way too much TV. Borrowing from Chas, who apparently watches almost no TV, I bring you my fall line up. (Subject to change as new shows start, shows get pulled and I say "yikes, you suck!")

Oh, and I'm also mentioning actors that are Canadian. In a quest one year to cut down my TV viewing I decided to watch only shows with Canadians. And almost every show? A Canadian somewhere.

SUNDAY
7.00 Law and Order: CI
8.00 Cold Case. Probably my favourite drama. Love, love, love this show. Stars Jeremy Ratchford.
9.00 Dirty Sexy Money. I thought I would like Big Shots better, but this one is way better. Stars Donald Sutherland.
10.00 Desperate Housewives. You just know that baby is not Mike's.

I work Sunday evenings so William tapes these for me. I watch Cold Case when I get home and then the others when I get a chance. If they aren't watched by the following week they are recorded over. Oh, and every Sunday morning there are 5 episodes of Coronation Street on, I watch them on and off as I clean. We are 9 months behind in the story line. It's New Years there.

MONDAY
9.00 How I Met Your Mother. My favourite comedy. Stars Cobie Smulders. Such a porn star name. And her character is Canadian. The episode last year where she was a former teen pop queen...so funny. But honestly? We didn't enter the 90s late.
9.30 Big Bang Theory. It's no HIMYM, but it's okay.
10.00 the last half hour of Dancing With the Stars.
10.30. Corner Gas. It's Canadian, so everyone's Canadian. Apparently it has a huge following in Australia.

I used to watch the Bachelor, but the last two have been so unattractive I just can't bring myself to stare at them for an hour a night with the belief that 25 girls are willing to cry over them.

TUESDAY
8.00 Pushing Daisies. Haven't actually watched it yet, but it's on tape.
9.00 Law and Order SVU. Adam Beach was added to the cast this year.
10.00 Dancing with the Stars Results show.

WEDNESDAY
8.00 Back to You. Record Little Mosque on the Prairie (Canadian show. Apparently offensive.)
8.30 'Til Death.
9.00 Private Practice. It's no Grey's Anatomy, but Tim Daly is still hot all these years after Wings.
10.00 Bionic Woman. One of only a few shows William and I will watch together.
11.00 CSI: NY

THURSDAY There's way too much TV on Thurdays.
7.00 ER. Maybe this show should have bowed out a coupke of seasons ago but I still like it.
8.00 CSI. George Eads is definitely in my laminated list of people I get a pass to sleep with. You know, if he fancies fat chicks.
9.00 Survivor. I watch it with William so I record Ugly Betty, which I love.
10.00 Grey's Anatomy.
11.00 Without a Trace. Record Big Shots.

FRIDAY
8.00 Friday Night Lights. I've mentioned this show before. I thought I'd watch it becuase Kyle Chandler stars in it, and I have loved and adored him since his Homefront days- that show should still be on the air!- but at first even he couldn't save it for me. I mean, it's about high school football. And football? It excites me about as much as ping pong. Actually, I would rather watch ping pong because I least I understand how it's played. But those Texans, they sure do love their football. I started watching it around March and it grew on me. And Kyle Chandler? He's number one on my list. If he digs fat chicks that is. And if he splits with his wife. I'm opposed to sleeping with married men, even in a fantasy world. Oh, and Taylor Kitsch is Canadian. Thanks for the remoinder, Chas!
9.00 Ghost Whisperer. Preferred by William, but it has grown on me. But I am not watch the Bloody Mary one tomorrow because I am such a fraidy cat that sometimes when the bathroom door is open in our bedroom I can't sleep because my view is directly aimed at the mirror. And I'm too scared to get up and close the door. Nor will I go into the basement at night time. Shut up.
10.00 Primetime: Medical Mysteries. Because I have no life.

SATURDAY
I don't watch anything, since I'm working. Though if it's dead at work I'll watch W5, a news program. I am getting William to tape it for me this Saturday. It's about a Canadian man who created a neighbourhood in New Orleans for victims of Katrina, and the fallout from it. The link makes it sound better! I also like 48 Hours Mystery, but don't think it's on yet this year.

Please don't think I just sit on my ass all night watching TV. I am usually sitting on my ass blogging at the same time (like now...through Grey's and Without a Trace.) or reading, cleaning, talking on the phone. The only shows I will normally sit right through are How I Met Your Mother, Cold Case and Ugly Betty. Oh, and CSI. Because if I don't pay attention I am lost.

And my list of Canadians? I guess this year I wouldn't be watching much.

The great mofo delurk

It's Wednesday October 3 and you know what that means don't you? It means that if you see this funky little button in any of a dozen or so (9 actually) colours you are meant to comment. So comment away. I've had a a few new commentors over the last 2 days, which quite thrilled me. Nice to meet you, new commentors.

I was going to tell you all about my fall TV lineup (which would have let you all know I watch way too much TV), an idea I borrowed from the very lovely (and fellow facebooker) Chas but then I uploaded pictures last night so I thought why not enlighten you all with visuals of the messy bedrooms? Following in the footsteps of the fabulous (and fellow facebooker) M, I shall also post pictures of my house, as it is. But not in this post. Because we are off to the orthodontist shortly and I need to shower.

The girls...I had to put this one in, because they are just so freaking cute. Sophie is eating cookie dough. I know, I know...don't even go there. Liam gave it to her. And you know what people? We all survived. Don't even try and tell me you never ate cookie dough as a kid (or as an adult, when it comes right down to it.) See Saoirse's bandaid there? She's had it on for about 6 days. I'm not allowed to take it off and when we wash her face we are told not to get her bandaid wet. It's Spiderman. There were no princesses so Spiderman was chosen over Nemo, Hello Kitty, Shrek and assorted other $4.29 for 20 cartoon banadaids.


The floor of Taylor's bedroom closet. Clothes on the floor, shoe rack practically empty because shoes are all over the place.


Her bookcase, the only area that is somewhat clean. Note though the tiny white container on the third shelf. This was full of caramel (for aplle dipping) at one time, I found three of them in her room and when I bought them, only last Friday, she was told that they were for school only.


The view from her door. Yeah. Nuff said? She called me a few minutes later to tell me that she had forgotten her flute, which is in the black case by the side of her bed. Not only had she forgotten her flute, she had also forgotten her lunch and her gym uniform. Seriously the kid? Not so together. The thing that bugs me about Taylor is when William did her floor, not quite a month ago, I told her that our plan was to buy her all new furniture...a double bed, a night table, a desk, a bookcase, a dresser and a TV stand but that she would have to, have to keep her room clean. Since the only thing she has done in the past month is sort her books (alphabetically of course) I can't see new furniture being a part of her near future.


Liam's closet. Funnily enough, he had told me that he had put away his laundry and when I went to look it was all on the closet floor. This is a kid who can't even put boxers and socks into his drawers.


The view from Liam's door. Note the lack of a sheet, he claims he doesn't know how to put them on. Seriously. And all that stuff on the e? The dish? The little lego pieces? He can sleep with those on his bed. I don't know how. I did make his bed yesterday in a fit of "you disgust me" rage. When I found DVDs under the mattress is when I took them all away. He's home today, so is curretnly cleaning. I will take pictures of his idea of clean.

An open letter to my children

Dear Taylor and Liam,

Please know that I love you. Do not let my extreme anger and frustration at the pair of you lead you to believe that I do not care for you. It is because of my love for you, and your future spouses, that today I will finally lay down the law.

I am sick and tired of the messes that are your rooms. I am tired of constantly asking you to clean these rooms, only to discover you on the computer, downstairs watching TV or out with friends.

Liam, you have until Thursday at 8 pm to clean every square inch of your room...under the bed is to be cleared out, every shelf on your entertainment centre and bookcase are to be sorted and dusted. Your floor is to be swept and swiftered. Your bed is to be made EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. If your lego is not in your lego container (which should contain only lego) it will be thrown out. If your Yu-gi-oh cards are not picked up and a contained home for them found, they too will be thrown out. Note that I threw out both your Simpsons versions of Clue and Life. Since you did not care to pick up the pieces and keep them together I figured you no longer had an interest in these games. Please do not look for any of your CDs, DVDs or Playstation games. As you can not be bothered to put them back in their cases I have found a new home for them. You will get them back when all the cases are found. If ever again, I find a bunch of discs lying around they will not be hidden they will be thrown away. Unless I want them for myself. Please make sure you return my box set of Freaks and Geeks to the livingroom. On Saturday morning you can wash your walls. Feet, Liam , my love, do not belong on walls.


Taylor, due to the insane amount of homework you get but never seem to do until the last minute I am giving you until Saturday at noon to finish your room. I realize you have a birthday party to go to on Saturday evening, so please note that if your room is not spotless you will not be going to this party. I will keep the purchased Chapters gift certificate for myself. Taylor, I am dismayed and disgusted by the amount of food wrappers I threw away this morning. There must have been about 40 or so. Since you are not allowed food in your room I am extremely pissed off. I hate this sneakiness. I threw a lot of paperwork out, I assumed a lot of it was Grade 6 stuff but I did come across some Grade 7 things that were supposed ot be returned, oh, maybe the first week? I have left you the garbage bag to go through should you be missing anything of importance. The following is required of you: Please go through all your jeans. You tell me you only have 3 pairs that fit you, but I put away a good 15 pairs today. Instead of taking them off and throwing them on the floor- leading me to believe they are just dirty and therefore are rewashed and the whole vicious cycle starts again- if they are too small please fold them neatly and put them in the provided "no longer fits" basket that can be found on your closet floor. What? You didn't know you had a basket for this very reason? Well you do, it's just that you have so much assorted junk in it that its original purpose has been lost. You are also to empty all the boxes that your things were put into 4 weeks ago when William redid your floor. It has after all been FOUR weeks and there is no reason why your room can not be cleaned. Especially since I had given it a thorough cleaning while you were in BC. Like Liam, some of your CDs and DVDs have found a new home. Unlike the majority of Liam's DVDs I actually quite like yours so will be more than happy to keep them should you decide not to bother looking for all the cases.

A few questions for both of you...is it really so difficult to put away your laundry? Take a hanger off the rack put the shirt on it. Put underwear and socks in their respective drawers. Place your already folded jeans in the hangythingermajinger. And how about when you undress? Is it so hard to place the clothes in the provided basket? I am always shocked when I go into your bathroom to discover a floor full of dirty clothes and an empty laundry basket. Not to mention all the places I find dirty clothes in your rooms. Laundry baskets, kids, they are one of man's greatest inventions. Please use them. While we were are discussing laundry I will say this...thus far you have been lucky enough that I go into your rooms, gather the clothes, take the baskets down two flights of stairs, wash your clothes, fold your clothes, take your clothes back upstairs to your room and sort them into easy to put away piles on your bed. I do NOT appreciate going into your rooms the next day and finding all my hard work lying on the floor. This quite annoys me. It makes me take God's name in vain. I do not like to break the ten commandments. One day I fear that I may break the big one, becuase frankly, everytime I look at your rooms murder crosses my minds. I digress. Back to the laundry. If you can not learn to put away your laundry I am going to stop washing your clothes. I know it would take a few weeks before you ran out of stuff, but after that you can go to school naked for all I care. Just letting you know that your mother is about to go on strike.

Oh and your rooms (and the basement too, Liam)? If they are not perfectly clean by the assigned dates everything is going. And I do mean EVERYTHING. You will be left with only a bed and a dresser. There will be no books or stuffed animals, Taylor, no lego or toy cars, Liam. Your mother? She is at the end of her rope.

But I still love you.

Love,
Mummy.

I'm raising a bully

I fully intend on doing a picture post about Sophie and her devilish ways. That girl? She's a troublemaker. Her mother? She's a lazy arse and needs to download photos. But I thought I'd write about what she did tonight before it goes right out of my head. Along with the date that tooth number 8 arrived.

Saoirse was playing with her Dora horse truck, zooming it along as toddlers do. Near her were two buses, one Little People (which used to belong to Liam, there's a reason I never got rid of all those boy toys) and one that plays "The Wheels on the Bus". Sophie comes over and takes the Dora truck. Saoirse says "It's mine!" Sophie says "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAA" as she does whenever she wants something. You know, if she doesn't throw herself on the floor first. A struggle ensues. The mother sits and watches, wondering how this will play out.

Sophie, not yet 14 months old, triumphs over her 34 month old sister. Saoirse whines "Mummy, she's taken my truck!" Good God, thinks the mother, it's Taylor and Liam all over again. Sophie is Taylor the bully and Saoirse is Taylor the whinger. Because Liam? When Taylor wanted something of his? Handed it over because he didn't want Taylor to cry. That lasted until he was about 6.

Sophie smiles at her win, holds on to the truck and stands there. Less than a minute later she drops the truck and Saoirse promptly grabs it and runs. That Saoirse, she's no fool. Sophie looks at her mother, with tears in her eyes, and says "Yeeeehhh??" The mother, kind soul that she is says "Them's are the breaks, baby." (I really did say that, I am all about teaching my kids proper grammar.) Sophie runs after Saoirse but gives up fairly quickly, because after all, she has only been walking for 2 months and is not really a fast runner yet. Plus she spied her mummy's craft desk where she is quite capable of opening the heavy door and getting a hold of paper, pop up dots and embossing powder.

After all, why annoy your sister when you can annoy your mother?

30 posts for 30 days...what are the chances?

I missed the great opportunity to post every day for 30 days last November so I am going to sacrifice any attempts at maintaining a clean house and go for it this year. Jeesh. The things I do for you people.

Oh fer fecks sakes it won't let me put the badge on. You'll just have to imagine it or visit the nablopomo site.

I was really hoping to have to say very little about this, the badge said it all. Go, go now and see the site. And then join. Because if I have to think up a post every day for 30 days then so should you. Maybe I'll just ask Blue Momma to send me some of hers. There's a girl who can pop off a few posts a day, and they are all good.


And....for all you lurkers out there...on Wednesday you have to comment. YOU HAVE TO. Because I have a button that says so. And I know you are out there. I know you are. This totally includes bloggers who used to comment all the time but rarely do anymore. You so know how you are. And I know too, because I am one of them. I admit to being an awful commentor lately, it's all I can do to read blogs anymore. But on Wednesday, I'm going to be out in full force and go through my entire blogroll. Somehow I will fit in Liam's orthodontist appointment. But there will be no housecleaning I am sure. Again, the things I do for you people.