There comes a time in life, people,....

...when it is time to say goodbye to huge, gigantic hickeys, love bites, tribal tattoos -whatever you fancy calling them- on the neck. What goes below your shirt collar is your business, but do I really need to be witness to the fact that your boy/girlfriend apparently has the largest mouth known to mankind?

Now please don't think I am a prude, folks. I was quite fond of giving and receiving love bites when I was, you know, 15-16. And then I turned 17. And suddenly a neck full of them was not so physically appealing. In fact they look absolutely disgusting. Thinking back, I am not so sure what the appeal of blood being sucked to the surface of ones neck is, but surely there was one there.

There must have been, because I got kicked out of my house the summer I was 15, the summer my neck was full of the things. Apparently my father was not a fan of hickeys or 16 year old boys with a face full of pimples.

But eventually I grew tired of them and I always am surprised when I see someone with them on their neck, you know someone who is in their 20s, 30s or, worse still, in their 40s. I have taken women who are in labour upstairs with fresh hickeys on their necks. Honestly, have we nothing better to do in the midst of a contraction? I know they say orgasms are a good thing at that particular time, but seriously.

I tell you the day I see an 80 year old in bed with a hickey on his neck, is the day I walk off the job.