RSS Feed (xml)
Tonight I went over to the soccer field to watch Liam's practice. There were no parents around- they were all sitting in their nice warm cars. Wusses. I sat down on a picnic bench not to far from the field, but far enough that none of the boys (and the lone girl) would notice me watching.
As I sat and watched Liam I wondered when was the last time I picked him up? When was the last time he sat on my lap? When was the last time he gave me a kiss goodnight?
It seems that without me even noticing he has grown up. I remember he was the one who said no more kisses at night, a year or two after he said "MUMMY! Do NOT kiss me in front of my friends!" I think that was in kindergarten so I suppose night time kissing ended when he was in Grade 1 or 2.
When did I stop carrying him around? When did I stop picking him up if he had a fall? When did he stop sitting on my lap for a bedtime story? What happened to my little baby boy? My toddler who refused to wear a nappy and pants so that he could play with himself whenever he wanted? My sweet little boy who loved his mummy more than anything in the world?
These are milestones that I thought I would remember with regret forever and it saddens me that they passed without me even really noticing. It makes me very aware that one day Saoirse and Sophie won't want to be carried around or need me to lift them up to high places or sit on my lap for a story or even just a cuddle. How much longer do I have with them for them to be my babies instead of my growing up too quickly girls? For how much longer will I be one of the two most important people in their lives?
And then my legs began to freeze and I wondered just how it is that homeless people survive in this city. It wasn't even really cold out tonight, just a wee bit chilly. How in the midst of -30 winters do those who can't get into a shelter make it through the night? I know I often complain about what I don't have, but tonight I was extremely grateful for what I do have- a family who loves me, a home with enough rooms that we can all find privacy should we need it, even if it means locking yourself in a bathroom for 15 minutes (Mummy's time out- a slice of heaven), 2 comforters on my bed to keep me warm rather than a raggedy blanket or nothing at all, food in my cupboards, books on the shelves, pictures on the wall. I have a home and a family to fill it, and tonight while I was freezing outside watching my son play goal in his favourite game, I knew I was a very lucky girl indeed.
01 May, 2008
Pondering again
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
24 comments:
I know puts it all in perspective when you think like that doesn't it? I should probably do it more.
You'll hear me crying all the way in Canada when Punkin tells me he doesn't want kisses anymore.
I hope Liam comes home tomorrow and gives you a big kiss and hug.
And please notice this is a comment. From me. See, told you I still love you. And it is 2:45am and I'm supposed to be cleaning the playroom.
Priorities.
I held on to all these memories with Wesley until Lani was born. It seems that now I can't keep anything straight. AND I only have 2 kiddos! Can't imagine how I would be if there were more:( Hopefully Liam will get to an age where he wants to give his Momma lots of hugs and kisses again?!?
Loved this post! It made me turn to my two and really look at them... (not that I don't usually), but in a different way. I never really imagine them NOT needing me, or God-forbid, not wanting a goodnight kiss. As much as I (kind of) complain about Michael making me stay with him till he falls asleep, we all know I secretly love it... and it will be over way too soon.
On second thought, I don't think I liked this post at all... now I'm all sad. Thanks so much!
I'm surprised he stopped you so soon. I can remember kissing mine night up until they were in fourth - sixth grades. And they let me hold their hands until they hit sixth grade. As for lap sitting it ended sooner, first or second grade maybe.
But it is weird how these things just kind of happen and one day we wake up and they are grown up adults. :(
A great post, Emma. I do often tend to ponder both the greatness and sadness of my kids growing up. What you wrote still made me pause and think about my lovely children. Sometimes I get a little annoyed when I have to lift J up to see things on a top shelf at a store, but you're right. I'll be a little sad when I don't have to do that anymore.
It's amazing what sitting alone in the rain will dredge up in the way of thoughts.
Have a good day, Emma.
Lila is only two, and I'm already wondering where the time has gone.
I can't relate to -30 degree temps, but I wonder about the homeless during the cold months of the year. I know there are many ministries who support the homeless with food and a place to stay in their churches, including mine, but in relation to the large homeless population, only a few get served. It's truly sad and really should make us count our blessings, for we have so many.
Great post Emma. It makes me feel bad because all of my girls are very affectionate and I have to admit that it drives me a little crazy when Darian is trying to hug me and kiss me but more so because she always tries to do it while I am cooking supper and she slobbers when she smooches!
Emma,
Your words hit me like a knife right through my heart. I too look at Griff alot more lately and think "how much longer before he's lost to that other world"? Soon enough his world will be filled with friends girls parties...all those things where the unwritten part of the invite blaringly state" AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... LEAVE YOUR FREAKING MOTHER AT HOME"!! How come we totally miss that day when they cease to be your little boy anymore. Who broke in to my house sometime in the last year and replaced my son with an almost teenager? I'm going to hug them both as soon as they get home ( and then I'll yell at them for not making their beds).
Well said. I know exactly where you are coming from on this one.
WOW!! This week must just be the week because I have been feeling this exact same way!
Perspective is a wonderful gift, isn't it?
We must be chaneling because I have been thinking of those exact two things! Last night I was sneaking an extra squeeze and hoping the cuddles don't go away too soon. And then, lying in bed unable to sleep, I decided to return a top I cant decide if I like to walmart and use the money to buy sleeping bags for the homeless shelter. weird.
Emma, this is the best post I've read anywhere in a long time. What a sweet, heartbreaking and yet great post.
Makes me want to run to Little Man's school, scoop him up and hug him for the rest of the day.
I have had the fleeting thought, when I pick Little Man at school and he spots me and squeals "MOMMY!" and runs to me as fast as he can that someday, he won't be happy to see me. And it makes me sad.
Wow, you certainly did a lot of thinking while freezing on that bench! : ) Abby still asks for a piggy back ride to bed. SOme nights I'm just too tired to do it but I think I'll make sure to do it as long as she keeps asking!
Very poignant. There are some days when I am overwhelmed at how quickly my kids are growing up.
Joshua was like that and decided he was to big for mom way early. Izzak is still my little man at 13 though. It makes me sad to think that Joshua grew out of that so quickly.
I don't know how the homeless do it here in the winter either. Not a ton of them here though but still cold and very wet.
Okay... gotta tell you, that yesterday evening, Emma fell down and 'hurt her body'. It was nothing, but she's a drama-queen a cried like I should be calling 911. Usually I tell her that she's fine, give her a little hug, and let it be. But apparently your post sunk in a little more than I realized cuz I sat and hugged her (hard) for a very long time, knowing that soon enough when she bumps her knee, she won't cry and won't need her mommy's hugs...
sniff, sniff...
what a very sweet entry!
You have such a big heart.
I lucked out...both my boys (almost 15 and 11) still give me kisses..in public....I do not take that for granted! Kids grow up wayyyy tooo quickly!
Great post Emma! And since I'm all older then you and everything and just had a second child graduate Grade 12, I'm here to tell you....in the blink of an eye!! It all goes so fast and it can be heartbreaking in some ways yet I am full of pride in other ways. To see them all grown up and the people they have become is incredible some days. So I guess it doesn't matter what age we are, we will always be sitting on the bench and looking at our kids in amazement. Kind of a nice thought :o)
What a beautiful post Emma! Just this morning, I went in to wake up Tigger and he lay his head on my lap like he always does and I wondered, "how much longer" - how much longer before he won't even touch me.
You will always be one of the most important people in all 4 of there lives. Always.
Post a Comment