The thoughts running round my head

*This post is hideously long. I apologize in advance. I had a lot of thinking to do, a lot of thoughts to get down in writing. I have plenty of pens but no paper. So the blog is doing the job.*


As a mother, it is my job to fight for what I think is best for my children.
Unfortuantely, I have not done this for Liam. I have failed him. As a mother of a learning disabled child I am sorely lacking.

Sometimes I blame him for his issues. In reality I know it is his not fault. I know it is not my fault and I know it is not the fault of his father. So why blame him? Somewhere in my head I cannot understand how a child cannot love to read. My God, I don't know how I would have got through my childhood if I hadn't had a book to bury my head in and tune out the fighting going on around me. As a child a book was always in my hand. I just can't understand how a brain can be wired in such a way as to not be able to read the written word. It astounds me and it frustrates me.

And every time I have to sit with Liam and do his 20 minutes of reading at night I want to cry. Sometimes I want to scream "It's so simple! It's easy! Why don't you get it?" He is going on 12 and he still doesn't know all of his sight words, simple Grade 1 level words.

And because it frustrates me so much, I don't always make him do that reading, or I cut the time short. And I fail him once again by signing in his agenda that he has read for the full 20 minutes.

When Liam was in Grade 3 and was assessed for the third row in a year, it was suggested that we move him to a school that had an Academic Support program. I was not in favour of this and Liam was even less in favour of it. He cried, he bawled. I was told by the principal that if he remained at St. B's he would not qualify for an aide, and there was no guarantee that whatever class he was in would have an aide. So we enrolled him in the other school for the Grade 4 year. At the end of Grade 3, St. B's won an award for inclusive education.

Inclusive, my fat ass! They won an award because a well off family had followed the principal to the school and an aide meant for another child ended up working almost exclusively with their daughter. I often wonder what sort of money they had given to the school. I am not saying this child was not entitled to an aide. I do know that when she started at the school she was coded the same as Liam, as 'mild to moderate' and mild to moderate children do not get their own aides.

I had never been so angry as I was then. I wrote an excellent (IMHO) letter to the newspaper that published the article about the school winning an award, mentioning that my son, as well as at least 2 other children, were not receiving an education at their neighbourhood school, that I had to pay for Liam to be bussed to another school because the school board has said that if one school offers a program then the child has to move or get left behind at the neighbourhood school, with no aide and no help. Please tell me how that is inclusive education.

(Obviously, the actual letter was much better than the run on sentence you just read. Come on, it was 3 years ago, I am just giving you the jist of it.)

I took it no further than that letter. It was never published and as I am not one to make waves it was a blessing at the time. Failure number one.

Anyway, Liam had a so so Grade 4 year. He loved his teacher. We were told that although his reading was at a pre- Grade 1 level, he would quite possibly be considered a genius at math- he was past the grade assessment level. He made friends. Towards the end of the year he experienced some bullying. He said he wanted to go back to St. B's. I talked again with the principal and she said "Of course, we would take Liam back, but we can't guarantee there would be an aide in his class." He stayed at the other school. Failure number two. All I needed to say was that of course, they could guarantee he would be in a class with an aide, just make sure you put him in a class with any of the number of students who do qualify for an aide. I could have said "Suck up the cost of an aide part time." I did not.

Grade 5 was okay, made it to a grade one reading level, continued to do well in math, science and social studies, receiving marks of "demonstrates excellent achievement" (otherwise known as an A) in all 3 subjects in the final report card.

Grade 6 has been a hard year. Listening to him read at the start of the year, I thought he had turned a corner. I blogged about it, saying I hoped that this would mean a regular junior high program for him. The corner apparently was not turned, he is only at a Grade 2 reading level.

It is now February and the junior highs are having their open houses and visiting some elementary schools. There is only one school in the city that Liam can go to if he is to follow his academic support program and that is on the south side. We live in the west end. Although it is not an unreasonable drive by car, it is a long ride by bus. Currently, Liam attends a school about a 7 minute drive away and he spends 40 minutes on the bus in the morning and 50 on the bus in the afternoon.

I am at a loss as to what I should do. Do I pull him out of the Catholic system and place him in the public? I am not even guaranteed that they will take him.

Do I pull him out of school entirely and homeschool him through the junior high years and then send him to high school in Grade 10? Well, I've already stated that I get frustrated reading with him for 20 minutes. Imagine what would happen to both of us if I had to actually teach him 5 days a week? Frig, we'd both be dead. Him from me strangling him and me from a burst blood vessel.

I called my board trustee yesterday and sent her an email today. Want to read it? This post not long enough yet? Here goes:

Hi D,

I am sorry to be bothering you- I have also called you- but I have some increasing concerns in regards to my son Liam, who is currently in the Grade 6 academic support program at OLOV.

Liam has both dyslexia and dysgraphia so has great difficulty with reading and writing. He is, however, very intelligent- at the first report card his comprehension was at a Grade 7 level. He excels in Math, and is generally a well behaved student. (I had to put generally because bloody hell if the little bugger didn't get his first ever conduct last week for fooling around in music and causing a disruption!)

If Liam is to follow the academic support program he would be going to OLMC next year. From everything I have heard this would mean he would be on a bus from 2-3 hours daily.

I am wondering why no west end junior high offers an academic support program, and why 3 of the schools offer some sort of academic programs which I assume must be funded (STM with IB, St. R0se with Advanced Placement and Gifted & Talented and HE with the pre- Advanced Placement program they are bringing in next year) but not one offers an academic support program.

I have spoken to staff members at both HE and STM and was left with the impression that my son would not be welcome at either school.

I am hoping that you may have some advice for me. I am not willing to send Liam to the southside and at this time I feel my only choice may be to send him to a public school, and I really do not want to do this.

I have not yet heard back from her.

I have talked to numerous people at the school board in the last 2 days, I am waiting for a phone call tomorrow from the transportation department to tell me how long the bus ride is from our house to the other school. I have really gotten nowhere. I have been told that although HE (the school Liam really wants to go to) used to have an academic support program that because the school only "hosts" the program when they needed the clssrooms the program was moved elsewhere. So essentially I am being told that the school only "hosts" these students and they are not really a part of the school at all? They can be thrown about willy nily? I was told that sometimes they like to have a large group in one school to make it convenient for the teachers. So I am being told that to make it convenient for teachers we are sacrificing the students needs?

If I hear back from the school trustee and should she, foolishy, ask me what she can do for me I am going to tell her that, ideally, I want to meet with the board and that at this meeting I would like to see the education minister for the government, the opposition's education critic, someone from Alb.erta Lea.rning and the principal of any of the 3 westend schools that do not have academic support.

I know this would never happen. So I would settle for an answer to the following questions:

-how much does it cost to run IB, advanced placement and gifted and talented programs as compared to academic support?

- does the school board really believe that the westend is full of highly intelligent children and no children with learning disabilities?

- why is a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder entitled to more funding than a child with a mild to moderate learning disorder. Why does an ODD child get an aide, when an LD student does not. And please don't tell me that it is because that child disrupts the entire class because I will then tell you that perhaps you should take a group of ODD students, segregrate them in a classroom with a teacher and an aide and take the LD kids out of the segregrated program and sprinkle them amongst regular classes with their own aides. If ODD kids are so disruptive, remove them.

- why does an Aborigional child receive extra funding just for being Aborigional?

- why can a parent of a child with what is considered a severe disability (such as Down Syndrome) insist that their child be integrated and I can not? (I am not saying I am against children with actual disabilities are not entitled to an integrated education. They most certainly are. But so is my son. And here is a reality that the school board does not get- disabled children will be supported by the government for the rest of their life (and yes, I realize that the financial amount is not great) but my son will not be. A learning disabled child who does not graduate high school and go on to college or university will still have to get a job. I'm pretty sure minimum wage doesn't go very far these days, and I am even more sure that it will not go very far in 15 years.

-why, oh why, did HE speak to the academic support students at OLOV? Liam was so excited. I'm pretty sure a number of those students have no actual chance fo going there. Why build up their hopes? (I'm actually calling the principal of that school tomorrow and asking that question.)

-why am I going on about this on this here blog? Probably because I will not have the nerve to do so in real life. But for Liam's sake I hope I do.