So much to say...where to say it?

Good God. It is hard work to set up invites when you go private. Or I am just really, really lazy.

Let's go with lazy. I am too lazy to go through 2 different email accounts and search out email addresses. I don't keep an address book in my email, you see. Why? Because it requires work on my part. Not even hard work. Just work. If you know anything about me by now it is that I am laaaazzzy.

You should also know by now that William and I tend to fight. And that is what happened on Saturday afternoon. A blow out over William's usual pet peeve, the house. So I sent an email to the addresses I did have in gmail (which makes it way easier than my shaw account does!) saying that because we had split up I was going private. I fully expected that in the next few days I would have a lot of bitching to do. Maybe I jumped the gun... I do have a lot of things and thoughts to work out. And I am very likely to attempt some of it on here. William and I had a pretty good talk this morning and have agreed that we definitely need counselling. Do we give up a relationship and 2 parents together for our daughters over the state of a house? I know that I never want to be talked to the way he talked to me yesterday. I never want to say the things I said to him either. This is where counselling comes in. Somewhere, somehow, we need to learn to be a partnership. We need to learn to treat each other fairly. I am not looking for perfection, I just want to be happy. I want my children to be happy. I refuse to raise my children for any longer in an unhappy home.

So I will have to decide what to do with the blog. I would like to keep it open, I know there are a lot of lurkers and even though they never comment (HORRIBLE!) I do appreciate the fact that they come here day after day. William reads here sometimes, and I know he probably doesn't want me writing about him. But I say what I always say...what is written here is my truth. It is how I work things out for myself. I really am not a fan of wordpress, and once again I am too lazy to start another blog. I don't know. I'll figure it out and let you know. It'll be a couple of days though, I work New Years Eve (until 11.30...bastards!) and New Years Day.

Oh, and you guys, thanks for the emails and the facebook messages. They meant a lot.

An Update

So it's a hernia. Paranoia for nothing. An overactive imagination would be great if I actually knew how to use it for good. Instead I just used it to make myself sick to my stomach. Literally.

Anyway. I will have a referral for surgery. At the Mis. Where I work. Fuuuckkk me. Nurses, OR porters, doctors...all will see me in my naked unglory. I'm getting ahead of myself. I have a referral to see if I need surgery. Elective surgery in Alberta? Well I could be skinny before it is actually done. Something to aspire towards I suppose.

I did not ask about the anti depressents. I should have. But it was not the doctor I normally see there. It was a man. And the clinic, after being closed for 3 days, was packed. I waited the length of time it took me to read 100 pages in my book. (Trade size, smallish print...an hour maybe? I don't wear a watch.) And when I got into the office I said "I have a couple of things, I'll be quick, I know you are busy." And had he said "Don't worry about it" I would have listed all my issues. But he did not. So instead I asked about the possible (now definite) hernia and a sick note for my now gone bug. I called sick into work for today yesterday. He said the receptionist would write one up. So when I went to leave I gave her the little sticky note with the date (seriously? he couldn't have just done the same thing on a medical pad and signed his name?) and she said "That will be $10." What the? I have never in my life paid for a sick note, and I'm not starting now, I don't give a flying fagoozy what Alberta Health says. $10 for a 2 second note on a piece of paper worth not even a penny? Whatever. So I say that I will just tell my boss I don't have one. $10! Seriously! I've never heard such silliness in my life.

I'll be back there next week to see the other doctor for the meds. Who has never charged me for a sick note before. Meanwhile, I am going on the internet to search out a nearby doctor who is accepting patients. And who is not a quack. That is of great importance. Never ever pick your doctor based on the University he graduated from. Just because one graduates from UCD and has a lovely Irish accent does not make him a lovely doctor.

Sick and tired

*WARNING: Whingy post ahead.*

I am off to the doctor in the morning. I took a walk over to the medicentre this morning but it was closed yesterday and today. (I don't go to my family doctor because he is a quack. If anyone knows of a good doctor in Edmonton who will not say "That is a parenting issue" when I question him about my then 6 year old daughters daily temper tantrums or that fair haired children get sick more often than dark haired ones and who is actually accepting new patients please let me know.) The medicentre is literally a block away from my house and by the time I came home I was winded.

Seriously? What the?

If you recall in my birthday post when I said I was weepy I still am. And no, I am not pregnant. The thought had crossed my mind. Especially with the hard belly that looks like it is about 4 months along. I think it's a hernia. I'm pretty sure it's a hernia. When I am very paranoid it becomes a tumour. I joke about it but the thought of hearing it is something very very serious has put me off from going to the doctor for over a year.

Stupid? Yes.

Initally I put off going because I was quite sure my weight would be brought up. A matter of my intestines and whatnot moving around to accomodate all the fat therefore causing a hardish tummy rather than just a flabby tummy. Does that even happen? Certainly for pregnancy, but for fat?

Now I have to go. I know she will bring up my weight, but I have been in so much pain the last few weeks that I can suck it up and hear all about how fat I am. In fact, I will bring my weight up first so that she doesn't have to do anything but agree with me. Better I comment on it than someone else. (Which is why I do it so much on here.)

Here is my written out list for the doctor, so that I don't forget anything:

Stomach pains...top of belly button popped out (I know...gross)...hernia?
Back pain...increasing...get out bed/chair like I am 95 going on 120.
Tired. All the freaking time.
Depressed. Crying. Stressed out. Constantly yelling at 2 oldest children. Do not have energy for 2 youngest. Can not clean house...tired after sweeping kitchen floor...need to go sit down for 10 minutes before starting again. Can not deal with the mess that is my life. Falling apart. Falling afuckingpart.

I'm also asking to be put on effexor. I am not a big fan of pills, I have a really hard time swallowing them but I just can't handle things right now.

I am dreading tomorrow, mostly because I really am paranoid. In my head I am quite sure that it is a hernia. But on my birthday, when I was so miserable all day long and William apologized for ruining my birthday (which he so didn't) it all came out...how scared I was that there might actually be something really wrong. I didn't even realize until I was crying in his arms that it was my fear of this that had kept me from the doctor. That my joking about it really wasn't joking about it.

I hope I'm just paranoid.

Whoring my loot

That Chick wants to see what we got for Christmas. And I would show pictures but I am as sick as a dying dog and I just do not have the patience to wait while this piece of crap decides whether or not it will upload a picture or two.

Remember my Christmas list? Guess what I got that was on it?


NOTHING!

A great big fat zero. Not even the sex.

This is what I got:

2 Phillipa Gregory books (The Virgin's Lover and one other.) Suddenly, I am into all things Tudor. Thanks Debbie!

a nice big Winnie the Pooh mug from Taylor.

a gigantic Mr. Big chocolate bar from Taylor. I'm too sick to eat it though, just the thought of it makes me queasy.

a teamaker. Like a coffee maker but for tea. I quite like it, but I find it makes the tea a bit too strong for my liking. I am going to have to try it with loose tea.

sheets. 460 count sheets. Which I can't use, because William has psoriasis and tends to destroy sheets.

the movie Roxanne (because it was filmed in Nelson, where we went this summer), the movie Where the Heart is and the Dove campaign You're Beautiful CD because it had some great songs on it and some green tea bath salts. I bought those myself and told Taylor to wrap them.

a $30 gift certificate to HMV. This will pay for one season of Kate and Allie. Well, almost, it's $32.99. Plus GST.

In my stocking I had an electric toothbrush, the Feist CD (I really love that 1234 song), some Lindt chocolates and an Old Navy keychain. I bought my stocking stuffers myself as well.

I'm a grumpy fuck today. I probably shouldn't have posted this in this mood because I am coming off as ungrateful. And I'm not really. I am happy with what I got. Even if I had to buy half of it myself.

It's a Christmas Miracle

People! Look it! Here I am and with video. Had I known my computer would be so co-operative today I would have uploaded the picture of the fantastic ornament I received from Lisa in Julie's ornament exchange. I'll try that later this week. See, it really is a Christmas miracle. It's almost on par with walking on water or, dare I say it, immaculate conception. I've already done that, of course, having conceived Sophie in a month in which I am quite sure no one in my house was having sex. Including me. I'm babbling. Forgive me. It is now 12.20 on Christmas Day. I am operating on very little sleep as I have been wrapping presents well into the night ever since Friday. Last night there was a little crisis with two of Saoirse's presents from the big fella. Crisis adverted though. They were found safe and sound at my friend's as Taylor had accidentally given her a bag of my stuff along with the one bag she had in my garage. This was discovered at 7 am, a full 3 hours after I realized they were missing and after I spent 20 minutes on the phone with the night staff at Zellers discussing whether or not they carried a Princess laptop and the Princess dance studio so that I could run over in the middle of the night to spend another $120 I do not have.

Anywho...I leave you with a song by Saoirse. You can't actually see her, it's way too dark. I really need to figure out how to use this video camera feature. But she sounds really cute! She learned this song at school and when it was time for her concert she just stood there...I have 3 or 4 videos of her just standing there during all the songs. So did the 2 kids on either side of her, I'm pretty sure I got the only 3 kids who didn't move a muscle. However, she now graces us with this dong daily, and once yelled it walking down the mall, much to the amusement of some shoppers.



Where is Santa? from Emma on Vimeo.

Because that's just the way my life is going...

My computer's dead. I am officially computerless. Blah.

Thanks for the birthday wishes in the comments and on facebook.

I've been weepy all day. I don't know what my problem is.

Right now, I just want to be on a deserted island with a good book and no people.

See you in January maybe. Unless I get really, really lucky.

A little trivia contest

In honour of Frannie, who loves contests and giveaways I offer you this on a very, very small scale.

My daughter's school is named after someone from the court of King Henry VIII. Tell me who it is, what fate befell him/her and what you think her school mascot would be.

Any correct answers will be put together and the winner drawn by Taylor this weekend.

The prize will be sent in the New Year and you know all it's going to be is cards or something similar. Maybe some Canadian chocolate too, if the winner happens to not be from here.

And the prizes from the last little contest? Have been purchased and will be mailed to Chris and Karmyn this Thursday. Yeah, it takes me forever but eventually I do it.

Duh...I guess I should have said email me the answer because one could just copy the answer they see. emmamcdon@gmail.com Sorry to have deleted your answer AFF! But I'll remember what you said!

Bugger bugger

You know there is only so much yelling, crying and banging your head on the keyboard before you finally say you've had enough and give up on trying to post pictures of your favourite ornaments for Kaytabug's turn at hosting Fun Monday.
So I will take this moment to apologize for anyone who came here looking for a fun Monday post and did not find anythibng except for my usual drivel.

I would have shown pictures of Taylor, Saoirse and Sophie's first Christmas ornaments. I do have a son too, but as he will tell you he is not of much importance in our family and that is why his ornament has disappeared. This is so not true. I quite like him at times and I always love him. I have no idea what has happened to his ornament. It was crappy anyway. I think I picked it up for 50 cents at K-Mart back in the day when K-Mart was in Canada. It was a big blue ball one with Big Bird on it I think. And it said son. Hmmm...maybe it wasn't even a baby's first Christmas ornament. Poor bugger. Perhaps I should go on ebay and see if I can find a baby's first Christmas ornament from 1996.

I also would have shown you my very favourite ornament, which actually belongs to Taylor. It is a worm reading a book in an apple with a big bite taken out of it. It is dated 2000, the year she was 5 as she had started reading just before her birthday that year. To this day she is still a bookworm and everytime I see that ornament I think of Taylor at 4 with a Barney board book in her hands (the first book she ever read on her own), at 5 reading Junie B. Jones, at 7 reading Harry Potter, at 9 devouring the Dear Canada series ( I read these too! The one I linked to is my favourite) and at 11 loving Jaqueline Wilson.

I would have shown you the cutest little stocking ever, that Liam did receive for his first Christmas, from my mum's best friend. It has an embroidered hockey player in the Oilers colours with the number 22 on it (Liam's birthdate) and his name on the top of the stocking. Taylor has one too, but it is Liam's I would have shown you. Since I ripped him off in the first christmas category.

But who wants to read about ornaments when they can click to another site and see actual pictures.

Bah humbug.

While I wait for my camera...

This is supposed to be my Fun Monday post. But you know, technology and I? Not the best of friends. Why won't my camera let me pick and choose a handful of pictures? I know it can be done, I've done it before but no such luck today. It's either one, or the whole lot. So I have the one, which has nothing to do with today's Fun Monday topic of Christmas decorations, and I'm currently uploading the whole lot so I can get the 5 pictures that make up my Fun Monday post. Give me a couple of hours would ya? My computer? Slooooooowwww.

I was asked to post pictures from the Christmas party so here is the lone one that made it on to the computer:



So you thought I was exaggerating when I said I was fat did you? Yeah, I wasn't. But you know, whatever. I'm trying to accept me for me. And this? Is so not me! I never wear makeup and my hair never looks nice. And here? I think I look pretty fucking good.(But excuse me double chin and freaky smile? What the?) And that William...he cleans up pretty nicely. Oh, and I did end up getting blonde highlights and I had my eyebrows done. It was a lovely afternoon of being pampered.

The party was pretty good. Except that for some reason we weren't on the guest list. And so we had no seats at any table. We ended up at a table full of head office staff, at opposite ends. But it was okay. I talked to the couple sitting next to me and William talked to the couple sitting next to him. Our table won a prize (a box of Lindt chocolates each) for the best singing performance. We did Frosty the Snowman in rap. I sort of thought we sucked, but I think they were really looking for funny. And it was sort of. Even though they didn't have us on the guest list, they did have a card for William which contained $100 and a Christmas ornament.

He had to check today to make sure the kids were on the list for next week's Christmas part, because can you imagine taking a 3 year to a party and having her watch all these other kids get a gift from Santa while she has nothing? Luckily they were on the list, but it's odd that we weren't because he handed both forms in at the same time. Oh well, it all worked out in the end.

Tomorrow

I am so, so excited about tomorrow. It is William's staff Christmas party. It will also be our first child free night since the arrival of Saoirse, as my mum is having all 4 children for a sleepover. A birthday/Christmas gift should arrive early in our household, one should hope.

William is somewhat dreading tomorrow. He is not one for parties or crowds at all really. He is only going because he knows I want to. I am saying that after the amount we have spent he is going to go and stay until the end. It is at the Country Club so he needed a suit. Along with that he needed a new belt and a decent tie. I think he probably purchased his last tie in 1987...not pretty! He also needed dress shoes. I needed (well, wanted) a dress. I really lucked out as my friend Shelley found one that had been marked down from $90 to $15. It's nice and it looks alright on me. I suppose that for $15 I can not expect it to make me look skinny and gorgeous. I suppose that wouldn't happen even at $1000. I am what I am, she sighs.

I am taking the girls to our community league Christmas party tomorrow morning, which Taylor's Pathfinder unit is hosting. I will bring them home at 12.30 and then I am off to the hairdresser. I couldn't get into my regular gal, I guess phoning a week ahead doesn't work during the Christmas season, so I am trying a whole new place. I'm hoping my hair works out okay. I will go with the collar length layers that won the poll, but I didn't think I would have time to have it coloured. I am also having my makeup done for me. I don't wear makeup normally. In fact, I do not even know how to put on eyeliner. Yes, I am a capital L loser. I may get my eyebrows done too, another thing I have never done.

Now to just be able to get a picture of the two of us together would be fantastic. They are very few and far between and I usually delete any because I always look like a fat sack of shit. Hopefully, tomorrow I will not.


Oh and guess what? William said I could get him a Tivo for Christmas. He laughed when I asked if he would like one, because he is not a stupid man and he knows it is really for me. But I am fairly nice and will let him use it occasionally, he can record some of those silly sci fi shows he watches and all those Liverpool games on Setanta. Since we pay $14.99 a month for that one lone channel he had better take advantage! As long as they don't interfere with my shows of course. Because even though it will be his Christmas present? We both really know it will be mine.

Forgotten on the wish list

Can you believe I forgot to mention that I want a video iPod and a TIVO?

Yes, Tivo has finally made its way into Canada. And I want one. I want to be able to program in Melissa Gilbert's name and have every episode of Little House on the Prairie and every cheesy TV movie she has ever done recorded for me.

William! Don't forget to read the one below. The one with 13 other gift ideas on it.

Thursday Thirteen- 13 things I might just want for my birthday and/or Christmas

And I'm not fussy...I will take the following for Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter and any other gift giving holiday. In fact, I will take them for no reason at all.

This list is being produced for one person specifically. He knows who he is. Don't tell me I haven't told you what I wanted.

Obviously I don't expect everything on this list, though if you happen to find a spare couple of thousand dollars I would be quite thrilled to see it all under the tree. Or wrapped on my birthday (which just happens to be in 10 days, hint hint.) But like I said...not fussy.


1. How I Met Your Mother Season 2 on DVD. How I love this show. And it's cheap, cheap. Can be from one of the kids. As can...

2. Kate and Allie Seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. Why is this fantastic example of the greatness of 80s comedy not on Dejaview or Prime or the I-refuse-to-call-it-Peachtree-TV TBS? I lurve this show. Which is why I would also like...

3. Kate and Allie Season 3 on DVD. Did I tell you that I love Kate and Allie? I really, I really do. But not as much as I love...

4. The Facts of Life Season 3 on DVD. Remember how I spent last Christmas week watching the first two seasons of this and the only (though really it should still be on the air, it was that fantastic) season of Freaks and Geeks? Wouldn't you like to see me lying on the couch for an entire week again? Ah, good times.

5. The Cricut Complete. This is, at $399.99, my most expensive request. I surely do love my scrpabooking supplies. And apparently I'm a bit of a scrapbooking loser if I don't have a cricut. And! it is on sale until Friday for the low, low price of $299.99. Just saying. And it even comes with the mats and tools and a couple of cartridges. Just saying.

6. A Project Organizer. Since I requested this last year and DID NOT GET IT, I am requesting it once again. The flyer from when it was on sale is still on the fridge, just to remind you of its craft holding goodness. Oh how I love this. Love, adore, would sleep with if it wasn't so big. Now if only I had my own scrapbooking room. That would be the bestest Christmas present EVER!



7. A gold membership to Urban Scrapbook. For $50 you would be giving me the following yumminess: 10% off each purchase, 25% off on my birthday, double reward points on Thursdays, 15% off all classes, 2 free classes a year and more.

8. A gift card to Urban Scrapbook. Because I would like to take advantage of that discount.

9. A gift certificate to Second Cup. Their green tea lattes? A thousand times better than Starbucks.

10. Homicide: Life on the Streets the Complete Series on DVD. Only $293.99. Well, it is my all time secind favourite show. And Homefront? It isn't on DVD yet.

11. A new blog template. Let's admit it. This one sucks. I needs me some help. Paid help. And while we're at it? I'd like my own domain actually. I've stuck with this blogging thing for nearly 3 years. I think it's here to stay.

12. A new kitchen table and 6 chairs. Slightly more expensive than the cricut I guess. I'm sort of fancying the pub style. Our current table is so waonky it has caused crooked lines on some of my cards. At least I'm blaming the table. Plus we only have 4 chairs and now that Sophie is out of the highchair (YAY!) I am sitting on a folding chair. Not so yay.

13. S-E-X. Sigh. Isn't it sad when you have to request sex as a gift? Yes that's what having a toddler in the bed does. I am requesting this for both my birthday AND Christmas. I know. It's asking a lot. I bet you can pull it off though. How convenient that I have booked my birthday off for the staff kids Christmas party.

Wordless Wednesday- The Asthma Attack

"Uncle Thom! Uncle Thom!"

This is from this summer when we were visiting my brother in Nelson. He made us so many delicious meals, here he is preparing one while Saoirse seeks out his attention. I often wonder how often food is dropped on the floor and picked back up to be used, here is my proof that at least one person does it. At least he washed it. Not very well judging by the length of time though.


Uncle Thom from Emma on Vimeo.

A Curse Upon You

When I go to work on the weekends I hope and pray for a slow evening so that I can read blogs. There are some blogs that my slow-ass-still-need-a-new-one computer just can't handle. Why I don't know, but for some reason the old girl just shuts down completely. Which is a shame, because I love both of those blogs.

So anyway, I look forward to getting into work and turning on the computer when it slows down. These are normally the first two blogs I read and over the course of my 2 days of nonwork, I hope to get through my blog roll. (Which reminds me I totally need to update my blogroll, I keep losing the all the little pieces of paper with urls on them.) And even comment sometimes, because I have become the blogosphere's shittiest commentor. I'm lucky a few people are still reading and commenting.

I get to work and it is dead. Love this! Do you know how quickly 8 hours can pass when you have a computer in front of you? I turn on the computer, erase the user name, out in the default one and type in the password.

What the fuck? "User access denied." The other computer said the same thing last week, but I did not worry too much because I always use this computer, my favourite computer with the nice comfy chair.

Excuse me, but do they not realize I have computer related things to do, blogs to read, card designs to look up on Splitcoast, the retired list is out on Stampin' Up. Do you not realize I enjoy being paid to mess about on the internet? $18.29 an hour isn't actually worth doing physical labour for.

I come to find out that my punisher is only a unit clerk. I'm assuming she must have went to higher ups first before she changed all the codes, but I am seriously unhappy and laying all the blame at her feet. She doesn't like us at all. She once took the handsets from the phones away so that we could not use them. Another time, she put a note saying "Porters, do not use the phones." Sometimes we need the phones to call a unit. It's not like I only use the phone to call home. True. Sometimes I call a friend or two as well. Apparently she thinks we have germs. Duh. A hospital is a pretty stupid place to work if you are a germaphobe. Unlike her I am unwilling to wear gloves for 8 hours. I hate the gloves actually, and only wear them when I am dealing with a patient with contact precautions. But I do wash my hands between patients, or a the very least use microsan.

So instead of catching up on blogs this weekend, I cut out 7 stamp sets, wrote out 20 cards, stamped 45 envelopes, addressed some of them and read my new Jodi Picoult novel, Perfect Match. (which I misplaced yesterday...where could I have put it? It was on my sofa the last time I saw it. Help me out here, I am having withdrawals.) I also spent some time cursing this unit clerk, with the wish that her over processed blonde hair will maybe fall out of her head.