To NaBlPoMo or to not NaBlPoMo

It's almost November. Can you believe it? I know, neither can I. Barely 2 months until Christmas. Yikes. I am the furthest behind in Christmas shopping that I have ever been. It's a bit frightening really. And I haven't even started making my Christmas cards! Good God, there will be some late nights ahead. The good news is that I have 3 new Christmas stamp sets. I know, I know. You are beyond thrilled. As you bloody well should be because if I have your address I am sending you a card. And if I don't have your address send it to me okay?

So have you noticed that my posts have been a tad sporadic? Once upon a time (or two or three times) I said that blogging reminds me of high school (so does plurk, twitter and facebook) and when I start feeling like I am reliving those days I have the need to do a runner. I was not a popular high school student and I am not a popular blogger. This is okay, mostly. But sometimes I feel like I am on the outskirts of the popular group just trying to be let in.

And then I realize that because I don't have the talent to be an A (or B, or even C) list blogger I would have to work to get there. And frankly? I couldn't be fucked. I don't have the time to comment on every blog, or even regularly read blogs. I don;t have the time, the energy, or the skill to blog everyday. I think it's great that people can do it, I assume they are either super organized or on speed or something. But I can not do it. When I was trying to do it I was sacrificing the things that are truly important to me- spending time with my girls, reading a good book, having sex, cleaning the house. Um, not that cleaning the house is important to me. But it certainly keeps the peace around here when it's clean.

I think I also forgot that I was blogging for ME. I began to want comments. I found myself competing with other bloggers to see who got more comments. Not only in regards to my own blog, but with others. Why does Blog A get so many more comments than Blog B when Blog B is so obviously the superior blog? Why have only a handful of people dicovered the sheer comedic genius that is Squishy Tushy? Why does Random Mommy not get 40 or 50 comments on her thought provoking posts? There are so many other bloggers I could name who are absolutely fantastic who do not get the credit they deserve. It took me some to relaize that they are not searching for it.

And I should not be searching for it either. Over the last year or so my writing has changed. It has become less honest, less me. Sometimes I hide things that I never used to hide. It has taken me some time to remember who the most important person reading this blog is- me.

So I am challenging myself to post every day in November. I may post a whole lot of crap. I may not. You can be guaranteed that shortly after midnight on November 1st, I will be posting Halloween photos. Whew. One post down, 29 to go. If I find that I am not posting for myself, if I am worrying about the lack of comments, about the fact that I am feeling guilty for not getting to blogs I enjoy then I am seriously going to have to reassess whether or not I should even be blogging. I many just have to open a document called A Question of Sanity and write it all out there.

See you in November. Or earlier probably. But only when my girls are in bed. And not on nights I would rather have sex. And not when I am reading a good book.