Dear lotsa people (and one thing)

Dear That Chick,
They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I hope you won't be offended that I am sort of copying your open letter format. Well, not sort of. Totally. For while I have ocassionally written an open letter I have never before done them in a series. So I'm copying you. Without the great sense of humour of course.

Yours in thieving,
Emma



Dear Taylor,

I did not give birth to 2 little sisters for you to use them as boy bait at the park. That's what puppies are for.

Love,
Mummy



Dear Debit Card,

Where are you? I miss you. I know you were in my coat pocket on Monday when I withdrew some money and did some shopping. I didn't use you for the rst of the week and I am wondering is this a problem for you? Do you need to be used constantly? While I would love to use you on a daily basis my bank balance will just not allow it. If you do not show up I am going to be forced to steal your sister card from William's wallet. That may make him grumpy as I had her for an entire year the last time I lost you. And he got mad when I misplaced her a time or two. Please let me find you. There is money in the bank (yay to a one week paycheque that was more than what William was making in 2 weeks at the old job!) and I would really like to spend it. Secretly, you know.

Missing you muchly,
A girl whose bank is wondering why she is not spending any money. So unlike her normal banking activity.



Dear West Edmonton Mall,
While I am fully prepared to be harrassed by salespeople in stores (although this rarely happens anymore, I think they have come to realize that no one in the retail industry gets fired for being a lazy ass) I do not want to be bothered by the people running those cheesy kiosks while I am using the mall to get to work. No, I don't want a soccer ball with a string attached to it. And while I realize I look like shit, I do not want my hair straightened or curled. Tell your kiosk people to leave me alone.

And while we are at it, West Edmonton Mall, what's the deal with shutting the automatic doors come October? Isn't that a bit inconvenient for people in wheelchairs or with prams? And that one wheelchair accessiable door? It sucks. Suck up the cost of a bit of extra heating and turn those doors back on. It's not even cold yet, ffs.

From,
An annoyed patron.

Dear people who don't hold the doors open for people with prams,

Fuck you. Seriously. I hope one day a madwoman with a pram runs you over. Didn't your mother teach you any manners?

From,
A possible madwoman (with a double pram!)


Dear Alissa,
Can you please ask your friend Heather when her company will lower the book prices to the American price? You know, that our dollar is worth $1.07 and all. I don't want to buy my at Wal-Mart because I am pretty sure they only carry VC Andrews and Louis L'Amour, but at least they are the American price. Which is a savings of like $20 on a hardcover.

From,
Someone who loves Chapters but may have to start shopping elsewhere. And no, I don't want an iRewards card.

Dear Nancy,
Would you start a blog already? I think it would be hilarious. Looking forward to the purse party! And dinner next week!

Your friend,
Emma

Dear bloggy facebook friends,
Please go harass my friend Nancy and tell her to start a blog. And if I didn't think she would kill me, I would tell you to really do it.

Yours in facebooking,
Emma is....wondering why Nancy doesn't have a blog.

Dear friend who shall remain nameless,
I really care for you and so I am saying to you here...don't move in with the new boyfriend! It is too soon. Way too soon. You have just come out of a bad marriage, you have only been with him for 2 months...it is way too quick to move yourself and your children in with him. Stay where you are for a year. Have him rent out his house and live with you. Whatever. Just don't give up your place. What if it doesn't work out? Where will you go? I am really worried for you.

Love,
Your friend.

Dear all the people who have emailed me questions and invites,
I am sorry! My computer sucks, have I already said that a thousand times? I can hardly get into my email, nevermind replying to something. I have 1400 unread emails. I'm a little overwhelmed.

From,
Emma, who is getting a new computer in 2 weeks!

Dear Ms. Porter,
We pronounce Saoirse like Soar-sha. Most Irish people will tell you that is incorrect. It is. But that is how my dad says it. And that was William's favourite of the 3 pronounciations we tried out. I was torn between the other two. I do tend to call her Seer-sha when she is ignoring me. Which is the proper way. Unless you are someone whop says Sayr-sha. Those Irish, they are a weird lot. Oh, and it's a bit of a story about how we chose her name, which some bloggers have heard before. I am Catholic, William is not, he did not want her baptised as such and so I said that I would choose the most republican name I could think of, which was Saoirse. It means freedom. She was born on Remembrance Day, so it does fit quite well in William's opinion. And I did get to have her baptised. Sophie? He put his foot down on an Irish name (Aisling) and the baptism. So I won one and he won one.

Was that too much information?
Emma

Dear Catwoman,

Congratulations!

Is the girl name would you have used for Little Man had he been Little Lady still in the running? I like that name. Not that I have any say in it. Unless you do a poll of course.

Love, Emma (who is not pregnant!)


Dear people who actually read this,
Thanks. I know it was long and boring. You are so good to stick it to the end.
3 down, 27 to go. Damn this Nablopomo thing.

Emma, who thinks she had better start commenting on blogs before everyone stops commenting on hers.